Angry Birds Trilogy
Publisher: Activision (2012)
Rating: Everyone (comic mischief)
Just about everyone has played Angry Birds on a smart phone, where it has enjoyed incredible popularity. But is it truly a great video game, or just a case of being in the right place at the right time? Playing Angry Birds on a "real" gaming system gives a little more perspective. The premise is to slingshot round birds at green pigs sheltered by precarious structures (some made of glass). The gameplay is completely 2D. Your slingshot control is on the bottom screen and the upper screen gives you the "big picture". I was surprised and a little disappointed that you must
use the stylus and can't get by with just your finger. When a bird hits its target, it typically results in a chain reaction as boards collapse, pigs are crushed, and points are racked up. This would probably be a mature-rated title if not for the cute, cuddly characters involved. Adding strategy are birds with special abilities, including those that divide, drop bombs, or explode on contact. There's a lengthy pause as you wait for everything to settle after your final shot. This trilogy contains the Classic, Rio, and Seasons editions of Angry Birds. I love the frantic monkeys in Rio and the holiday themes of Seasons. Each game offers dozens of levels to complete, and you can always replay them to top your high scores. As it was on the phone, Angry Birds is a terrific way to kill some time. The problem is, the game takes forever
to start up because of all the logo screens you need to sit through. Hell, even that God-forsaken Activision logo spins for a good 15 seconds! Using the stylus to navigate the menus adds further delay. Once you finally
get going, the game plays well. Completing the stages is satisfying and you can really get on a roll. However, the game isn't addictive enough to hold your interest for more than a few minutes at a time. Angry Birds is a decent video game, but Activision butchered the best part of the game: the instant gratification. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: Ubisoft (2011)
Rating: Everyone 10+
Asphalt 3D strikes me as a "lowest common denominator" title for the 3DS. Sure, the tracks are rendered in 3D, but after playing for a minute or so you don't even notice. At that point you're left with a pretty generic racing game. You get a nice selection of track locations at least, including Athens, San Francisco, and Aspen (snow!). The controls are simple and the courses are forgiving. Guardrails bounce you back on the track and not-so-hidden shortcuts give you a leg-up on the CPU racers. Along the courses are icons you collect to pump up your boost meter or bank account. The racing action is very arcade-ish, but I don't like how using turbo blurs the screen. It's hard enough to stay focused on these 3D games as it is! I also noticed the frame-rate can stutter while rounding corners. It's fun to run other cars off the road, but it's often unclear who crashed - you or the other guy! I really hate the idea of other traffic on the road besides the racers. Not only is it hard to see oncoming cars, but one wreck will ruin an otherwise flawless run. The tracks exhibit nice lighting effects and the roads look shiny, but the scenery is forgettable. No 3D effects will catch your eye besides maybe the leaves getting kicked up by your tires. I do enjoy the relentless, grinding soundtrack, and the deep career mode can keep you busy for a long time. Asphalt 3D isn't bad if you can get it cheap, but it's not exactly a showcase title for the system. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: NIS (2011)
This one looks really good
on paper. Cave Story 3D is a quirky 2D platformer that lets you explore subterranean areas while shooting bats, jumping between platforms, and solving puzzles. The rapid-fire shooting is the best part, and I like how you can fire straight up to destroy leaping blue blobs. To propel the story you'll converse with floppy-eared characters that offer clues on how to complete missions in dark forests and high-tech factories. The cartoonish characters, catchy music, and silly dialog give the game an old-school quality. The action is pretty slow however, requiring a lot of tedious exploration and plenty of trial and error. You can jump pretty high, but the slippery controls make it tricky to hop between narrow platforms. There are a heck
of a lot of one-hit deaths, sending you back to your last save point (and there's no auto-save). I also have a little problem with the size of the characters. The main character is literally
the size of a flea! This was the first video game that forced me to use my reading glasses!
The 3D effects are modest at best and really have no bearing on the gameplay. Frankly I suspect the game would play better on a big screen. Cave Story 3D has some appealing qualities but in the end I found the gameplay more tedious and aggravating than fun. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: D3 Publisher (2011)
Rating: No one
I felt a disturbance in the Force, as though a great many people who bought Dream Trigger 3D cried out in pain, and were suddenly silenced. The box has the audacity to call it "the ultimate handheld shooter". What kind of gullible chump would fall for that
one? Oh wait - that would be me
. Good thing being a sucker isn't against the law, or I'd be doing hard time!
Dream Trigger is a bad idea masquerading around as an even worse game. It cannot be played - only endured
. Its 3D effects are limited to layered backgrounds which have absolutely no bearing on its incomprehensible gameplay. The idea is to rub moving squares on your lower screen, causing flower-shaped enemies to appear up top. You then move this fairy thing over targets with the thumbstick and press the shoulder button to shoot. The designers failed to take into account that it's really hard
to watch both screens at the same time! While you're rubbing and shooting like a madman, hundreds of red projectiles appear from nowhere and criss-cross the screen in inescapable patterns. The fact that you're invincible while firing only further lowers my opinion of this putrid game. Dream Trigger's single redeeming feature is its serene soundtrack which envelops you in relaxing 3D audio. What a [expletive] waste. Designed on a cocktail napkin over a few drinks, Dream Trigger is a total sham. I'm calling out all critics who don't trash this game! You
are a fraud!
And for all the poor schmucks who made the mistake of buying this, I have a little piece of advice. Force yourself to play Dream Trigger every morning
, and you can rest assured that nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day. © Copyright 2011 The Video Game Critic.
Epic Mickey: Power of Illusion
Publisher: Disney (2012)
Power of Illusion is the sequel to Castle of Illusion starring Mickey Mouse (Genesis, 1990). It tries to stay true to the original but the game is bogged down by its overused touch screen elements. Before you can play you're subjected to about 15 minutes of tedious dialogue and exposition. Get on with the game already!
Mickey finds himself in a castle where he must save various Disney characters tucked away in magical rooms. Within these rooms you'll visit forests, castles, pirate ships, and distinctive locations from classic Disney films. The layered 2D graphics are understated but elegant, and a few distinctive sound effects have been brought back from the original game. The music from the opening stage is the same as Castle of Illusion, except this fully orchestrated version sounds remarkably lush and triumphant. Power of Illusion incorporates a wide range of Disney characters including Goofy, Rapunzel, Aladdin, Uncle Scrooge, and Captain Hook. It's fun to discover as many as you can. The platform action is decent, but Power of Illusion fails to recapture the magic of the original game. Mickey's primary attack is his "butt pounce" initiated by hitting the jump button while in mid-air. When you pounce on mushrooms, bats, and miniature knights, they leave dollar bills in their wake. This sounds like a great idea, but it's not. Pouncing on several enemies in a row is part of the fun, but having to go back to collect items is annoying. And since this is an "Epic Mickey" title, you'll also need to deal with obligatory painting mini-games. Painting allows you to create platforms or remove obstacles by playing a little tracing mini-game on the lower screen. It's fun for a while, but gets tiresome because you need to trace the same shapes over and over again
The stages aren't particularly interesting, and the game has a lot of derivative elements like barrels to shoot from (a la Donkey Kong Country) and an unnecessary spin attack (a la Sonic the Hedgehog). I do like the short stages and the automatic save function. Power of Illusion contains elements of Disney charm, but be advised you'll probably find yourself getting tired of this game before long. © Copyright 2013 The Video Game Critic.
Kid Icarus Uprising
Publisher: Nintendo (2012)
Rating: Everyone 10+
The original Kid Icarus (NES, 1986) is a cult classic known for its extreme difficulty. Uprising resurrects the series but takes it in a whole new direction. This is more of a rapid-fire shooter than a platformer. The hero is an angel named Pit guided by Lady Palutena (Goddess of Light). This light-hearted adventure features both flying and on-foot stages. In the air you'll vanquish jellyfish, birds, dragons, and random creatures that are hard to describe. The stylus aims, the directional pad moves Pit, and the left shoulder button fires. It feels a lot like Space Harrier as you weave through ruins while frantically blasting away at floating eyeballs. The sense of speed is terrific as you plummet through clouds, skim over vast expanses of land, and plunge into deep ravines. In one amazing scene the ocean parts and you fly between the two huge walls of water. The ground stages are less exciting. As you wander through castles, mazes, and space stations you "flick" the stylus to swing the camera. It feels intuitive enough, but it's imprecise and occasionally disorienting. It's hard to tell if enemies are behind you, so it's good that the melee button automatically targets anything nearby. Using both the control pad and stylus at the same time causes the system to shift your hand, making it easy to lose focus. To alleviate this problem Nintendo included a small black stand that keeps the system steady on a tabletop. It's not perfect, but it definitely helps. Even so, I could only enjoy this game in small doses. The tongue-in-cheek dialogue is a pleasant surprise. Nintendo must have hired a writer for this, because the constant banter between Pit and Palutena is amusing and sometimes very funny. Pit: "Wait - if you have an all-seeing eye, why can't you
find Pandora's location?" Palutena: "Because of my slightly botched
laser eye surgery." Pit: "Are you messing with me again?" Pay close attention and you'll catch characters making subtle references to other video games. Uprising does retain some elements from the original game like floating red eyeballs and an Eggplant Wizard boss. Before each stage you have the ability to bet hearts to increase difficulty and rewards. Despite its control issues, Kid Icarus Uprising is hard to dislike, and when was the last time you played a game with quotable lines? © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.
Lego Pirates of the Caribbean
Publisher: Disney (2011)
Rating: Everyone 10+
I was pretty high on the console version of Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, but this portable edition is actually a better game. All four Pirates of the Caribbean films are represented and fully unlocked after you complete the first few stages. You'll explore tropical environments, solve simple puzzles, and engage in hand-to-hand combat. It's shallow, light-hearted fun best enjoyed in small doses. The stages are different from the console versions, and they are less complex and easier to complete. You still toggle between characters, only one is shown at a time, resulting in less clutter on-screen. There are some new elements like rowboat challenges, the chance to control a parrot, and the ability to hit multiple targets with one gunshot. I liked playing while wearing earphones because the tic-tic-tic sound of collecting cogs is pleasing to the ears. You'll also notice the crisp sound effects of churning water, clanking swords, crackling fire, and even sipping tea. There are some brief load times, and the cut-scenes look a little grainy. The stages are shorter and less frustrating however, making this a nice title for those looking for some casual fun. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.
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