The Video Game Critic's
Contra Championship of the Universe 2005

Presented By Dave the Video Game Critic
12/29/2005

Date: Monday December 18, 2005.
Location: The Video Game Critic's Lair
Steve "Duke" Newcomb Vs Jonathan "RPG Critic" Hawk
The Game: Contra (Konami 1988)
The System: NES

Contra in the house! True dat! Double true!!
Like two noble gladiators of ancient Rome, Steve (left) and Jonathan (right) begin with a ceremonial verbal assault on each other's mother.
Challenge #1: Each plays a single game of Contra with the default three lives.
Result: Jonathan 13,500, Steve 11,400
Challenge #2: Both play at the same time (for high score) as video game legend Scott Zimmerman (right) looks on in bewilderment.
Result: Steve 9,800, Jonathan 7,900
Challenge #3 (aka "the Gauntlet"): Each plays a single game with the 30 lives cheat, which Jonathan enabled on the first try.
Please kids - try this at home!
Result: Steve 240,200 (!), Jonathan 161,300
In the festive aftermath, Steve wallows in the glory of the highest score ever recorded in Contra in my house on this particular night between the hours of 6PM and 9PM Eastern Standard Time.
He tempted fate but survived, and for that Steve will be revered as a god for ages to come. For his efforts, he is presented with the highly-esteemed Rubber Godzilla Award. To call this the proudest moment of his life would be such an understatement that it's not even worth mentioning so forget I said anything.
Jonathan's reckless glory-seeking ultimately spelled his doom. Consequentally, he's presented with the not-so-highly-esteemed-but-somewhat-embarrassing Lubriderm Achievement Award. And if you thought it was easy for us to keep a straight face for this shot, you are sorely mistaken my friend!
NOTE: No energy orbs were harmed during the taking of this photo.

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