Bally Astrocade Reviews M-Z

I've always been intrigued by pirates, and with a name like Pirate's Chase, I was totally psyched about this game! Sadly, I was in for a disappointment of Titanic proportions! Upon firing up the game I was greeted by a nice seafaring refrain, but the graphics were a far cry from the colorful, exotic images on the instruction manual. I was staring at a red screen with rows of black circles. According to the instruction manual, it's supposed to represent doubloons (coins) scattered over a beach! Come again?? How many beaches are bright red? The object of the game is to move a circular shape around the screen to gather the coins while avoiding "the spirit of Long John Silver". This so-called "spirit" looks like a little skull and crossbones. Occasionally a bonus "treasure" appears in the middle of the screen, but it's often hard to discern what it's supposed to be (an ice cream sundae? No wait - eggs benedict!). I have a sneaking suspicion that this project began as a lame "collect the dots" project, only to be given a pirate twist by some imaginative (and possibly unstable) instruction manual writer. The action is fast but the control is putrid! Your circle abruptly jumps from one spot to the next, so it's impossible to move with any precision. It's especially aggravating when you're trying to snag the treasure and your circle is hopping all around it. Aside from a quick opening song, there's no audio besides the "put-put-put" of collecting dots. The two-player mode supports simultaneous treasure grabbing, but it's not very satisfying. Failing to deliver swashbuckling thrills on any level, Pirate's Chase should be regarded as a cautionary tale. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Rare games have a propensity to suck, but Solar Conqueror is a surprisingly satisfying space shooter. The action takes place on a single screen, and I don't think I'd be out of line comparing this to Yars' Revenge (Atari 2600, 1982). The screen is arranged with a planet surface on the right side that launches missiles from its center. In addition to shooting these down, you'll contend with kamikaze ships, asteroids, and satellites that deploy deadly electrical fields. The electrical field effect looks pretty awesome. Your ship controls like the one in Asteroids, allowing you to thrust and drift while unleashing a rapid-fire stream of shots. The instructions refer to this maneuver as "the SLIPPER". You can fire in eight directions but your ship doesn't seem to want to remain in the diagonal position for some reason. What's most appealing about Solar Conqueror is the fast, non-stop action. As the waves progress more and more missiles are unleashed, some of which fire their own missiles! Since you can't fly off the screen you may find yourself in some cramped quarters, but that just adds to the challenge. Four people can play, but only by taking turns. I find it amusing how the game adds a lot of unnecessary stuff to make itself seem more sophisticated. After every few waves a "hyperspace" effect is used to simulate travel to the next star system. This hokey display of giant pixels and grating sound effects can thankfully be skipped with the push of a button. The game displays a long string of numbers and symbols across the top of the screen, which are needlessly confusing. Most of them are totally inconsequential, but in a way they just add to the game's charm. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.

Space Fortress is similar to Cosmic Ark (Atari 2600, 1982), but much less refined. And when you're making a lackluster shooter like Cosmic Ark look good, you've really missed the mark! Space Fortress puts you in control of an oriental rug jettisoned into deep space by the human race because it was so [expletive] ugly. You defend yourself from attack using four cannons and fortunately for you, the aliens always approach in your direct line of fire! Dumb-asses. I just hope these guys never wise up and learn to attack diagonally, or we're toast! There's not a lot of variety in Space Fortress, and as far as I can tell, zero strategy. The game is really only playable at its highest difficulty, which I will admit does pose a serious challenge. You fire a single shot by simply pushing the joystick in whatever direction, which works fine - until the pace picks up. Then the game becomes a major wrist-buster, prompting my friend Scott to proclaim it "even worse than Summer Games!" When your fortress is finally destroyed, you're subjected to one of the most gratuitous explosion sequences ever witnessed in a video game. Pixelated lines spring forth from your rug for a good 15 seconds, transforming the screen into an ugly mess. It's like the bastard son of that mother ship explosion in Gorf. Scott speculated that this elaborate effect was actually programmed first, leaving about 37 bytes for the remainder of the game. If nothing else, Space Fortress is one of the more mock-worthy titles in my collection. © Copyright 2011 The Video Game Critic.

This collection of simplistic, two-player Pong-style games uses "paddle" controls, and thankfully the excellent Astrocade joysticks double as paddles! Typically Pong games have you moving rectangular sticks up and down, but in this game you move stick figures! But there's more to it than that. Tornado takes Pong to the next level by adding the ability to move your player sideways (using the joystick), in addition to up and down. In Tennis (grade: B-) this effectively gives you the ability to "play the net", adding a new dimension to its otherwise standard gameplay. In Handball (F), players take turns hitting the ball against the same wall, but that's just confusing and pointless. In Hockey (C-) you move two characters at once, and can move your forward player sideways. This has loads of potential, but that crazy "puck" just bounces randomly all over the place, and more often than not your forward deflects the puck away from the goal! You just end up playing defense and hoping the puck will accidentally ricochet into your opponent's goal. And playing to 21 points is a hardship. Baseball (C-) is the real oddball here. At first glance, it looks like a throwaway title. You basically just pitch and swing, with the CPU automatically handling the fielding duties. Despite its shallow nature, you have to love how this game moves lighting-fast! Heck, you can play an entire 9-inning game in under five minutes! If only Bud Selig would incorporate "Astrocade rules" into Major League Baseball, I might start watching again! Tornado's audio is sparse, its options are limited, and you'll need a friend to play it. As my friend Scott put it: "It's not bad, but it's certainly not good!" © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

The third-party title boasts one of the best title screens you'll see in a classic game (granted, there's not much competition). It features a huge sunken pirate ship surrounded by fish, a shark, and an octopus. Treasure is scattered over the sea floor, and a submarine lurks in the background. A series of harmonized tunes play over and over, and most have a nice swashbuckling vibe. The game itself isn't bad either! Treasure Cove puts you in control of a diver who must fetch coins from the sea floor and return them to a boat on the surface. In the process you must avoid touching the multi-colored fish, turtles, octopus, crabs, and sea horses that swim across the screen. Each stage introduces a new form of aquatic life, and there are over 20 in all! It's fun to see what each new round has in store, but I find it odd how even the tiniest fish are fatal to touch. Beware of the deadly sea guppy! There's also a funny looking blue fish with a long nose that my friends affectionately refer to as a sea elephant. Your diver moves slowly and has limited oxygen, but you can pick up the pace by holding in the fire button. Treasure Cove's gameplay is simplistic but encourages a degree of risk-taking. Be sure to stay near the middle of the screen, because new fish will suddenly appear a good inch or two away from the edge of the screen. Treasure Cove's colorful graphics features a blue sky and a green sea, with objects so detailed you can even make out your diver's scuba gear! The game moves along at a leisurely pace, but it's not a bad way to cool off during the summer. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.