Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Life
Presented by The Video Game Critic and his readers.
I Learned From Video Games
Inspired by an old article from Electronic Gaming Monthly.
Last modified 4/12/2021.
All small flying animals want to harm you. Usually frogs too.
If I find a turkey lying in the middle of the street, I should eat it to improve my health.
If you speak to a person twice, they usually just repeat themselves.
When fighting zombies, do NOT relax until the music stops!
Back in the 1980's ninjas and samurai warriors fought openly in public.
Sometimes, just touching water will kill you instantly, but you have to try to find out.
Fat people will always begin blinking red when they are about to die.
Chances are, where ever you need to go, you'll probably have to venture over or through an active volcano.
When military guards are surprised, visible exclaimation points appear over their heads.
When you are first born you are blinking and invincible for a few seconds.
Most pits are either bottomless or lined with spikes.
If a plant is red, that means it cures poison.
Frogs are fast enough to avoid speeding cars, but they can't swim.
When many people come together, they tend to flicker.
When in a cave, if you step under a stalactite, it will probably fall down on you.
Street punks all shop at the same clothing store.
Always carry at least one gold ring with you at all times. That way, you can't die.
If you shout out a weird Japanese word, you can shoot freakin' fireballs out of your hands!
Chopping down bushes or small plants reveals free money left for you to claim.
If you stand on the head of a crocodile, it can't harm you.
Gold bars and diamond rings are commonly found in the jungle.
Entering people's homes and rooting through stuff without their permission is perfectly acceptable.
When criminals die, their bodies blink momentarily and then disappear.
In basketball, if you shoot three shots in a row, the basket will literally burst into flames.
Having sex with a prostitute will improve your health.
If you touch an ant, and your body flickers, do NOT touch that ant again!!
If you remain in a ducked position, you cannot be shot by gunmen.
Doors can only be unlocked by keys of the same color.
Even the most well-trained soldiers cannot detect your presence if you hide in a large box.
If you are ever being chased by someone, just throw pepper on them!
In the middle ages, all towns had a complex network of dungeons running underneath them.
Shooting off to the side will automatically reload your weapon.
In the 80's, ninjas would often kidnap the President or his daughter.
It's important to trust complete strangers and do exactly what they tell you to.
It's sometimes possible to walk on clouds, but you won't know until you try.
If you see a waterfall, there's probably a cave or shortcut behind it.
If you hear a constant pinging, you should see a doctor, because you're probably close to death!
If a barrel is red, it will explode when shot.
Aliens and demons love to hide behind red barrels.
If you shoot a dinosaur enough times it will explode!