Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Life
I Learned From Video Games

Presented by The Video Game Critic and his readers.
Inspired by an old article from Electronic Gaming Monthly.

Last modified 4/12/2021.

pitfall 2
All small flying animals want to harm you. Usually frogs too.
-JB Philouza

streets of rage 2
If I find a turkey lying in the middle of the street, I should eat it to improve my health.
-VGC

If you speak to a person twice, they usually just repeat themselves.
-J Dubs

When fighting zombies, do NOT relax until the music stops!
-VGC

ninja gaiden
Back in the 1980's ninjas and samurai warriors fought openly in public.
-VGC

Sometimes, just touching water will kill you instantly, but you have to try to find out.
-JB Philouza

Fat people will always begin blinking red when they are about to die.
-VGC

daffy duck
Chances are, where ever you need to go, you'll probably have to venture over or through an active volcano.
-VGC

When military guards are surprised, visible exclaimation points appear over their heads.
-zzz

When you are first born you are blinking and invincible for a few seconds.
-VGC

Most pits are either bottomless or lined with spikes.
-VGC

If a plant is red, that means it cures poison.
-VGC

frogger
Frogs are fast enough to avoid speeding cars, but they can't swim.
-zzz

When many people come together, they tend to flicker.
-Oltobaz

When in a cave, if you step under a stalactite, it will probably fall down on you.
-JB Philouza

Street punks all shop at the same clothing store.
-Oltobaz

sonic
Always carry at least one gold ring with you at all times. That way, you can't die.
-VGC

If you shout out a weird Japanese word, you can shoot freakin' fireballs out of your hands!
-Josh

Chopping down bushes or small plants reveals free money left for you to claim.
-andrew

pitfall
If you stand on the head of a crocodile, it can't harm you.
-ZetaX

Gold bars and diamond rings are commonly found in the jungle.
-VGC

Entering people's homes and rooting through stuff without their permission is perfectly acceptable.
-N64Dude

When criminals die, their bodies blink momentarily and then disappear.
-VGC

In basketball, if you shoot three shots in a row, the basket will literally burst into flames.
-VGC

GTA
Having sex with a prostitute will improve your health.
-ActRaiser

If you touch an ant, and your body flickers, do NOT touch that ant again!!
-Hardcore Sadism

If you remain in a ducked position, you cannot be shot by gunmen.
-VGC

Doors can only be unlocked by keys of the same color.
-JB Philouza

Even the most well-trained soldiers cannot detect your presence if you hide in a large box.
-Pixelcade

Burgertime
If you are ever being chased by someone, just throw pepper on them!
-soporj

In the middle ages, all towns had a complex network of dungeons running underneath them.
-VGC

Shooting off to the side will automatically reload your weapon.
-VGC

In the 80's, ninjas would often kidnap the President or his daughter.
-VGC

Ninja Gaiden
It's important to trust complete strangers and do exactly what they tell you to.
-snakeboy

It's sometimes possible to walk on clouds, but you won't know until you try.
-VGC

Zelda
If you see a waterfall, there's probably a cave or shortcut behind it.
-Hovering Sheep

If you hear a constant pinging, you should see a doctor, because you're probably close to death!
-VGC

If a barrel is red, it will explode when shot.
-VGC

Aliens and demons love to hide behind red barrels.
-VGC

Zelda
If you shoot a dinosaur enough times it will explode!
-VGC