Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Life
I Learned From Classic Games

Presented by The Video Game Critic and his readers.
Inspired by an old article from Electronic Gaming Monthly.
Last modified 2010/8/11.

All small flying animals want to harm you. Usually frogs too. -JB Philouza

If you speak to a person twice, they usually just repeat themselves. -J Dubs

If I find a turkey lying in the middle of the street, I should eat it to improve my health. -VGC

streets of rage 2

When fighting zombies, do NOT relax until the music stops! -VGC

Ninjas and samurai warriors fought openly in public back in the 1980's. -VGC

ninja gaiden

Sometimes, just touching water will kill you instantly, but you have to try to find out. -JB Philouza

Fat people will always begin blinking red when they are about to die. -VGC

Chances are, where ever you need to go, you'll probably have to venture over or through an active volcano. -VGC

daffy duck

When military guards are surprised, visible exclaimation points appear over their heads. -zzz

When you are first born you are blinking and invincible for a few seconds. -VGC

Most pits are either bottomless or lined with spikes. -VGC

If a plant is red, that means it cures poison. -VGC

Frogs are fast enough to avoid speeding cars, but they can't swim. -zzz


When many people come together, they tend to flicker. -Oltobaz

When in a cave, if you step under a stalactite, it will probably fall down on you. -JB Philouza

Street punks all shop at the same clothing store. -Oltobaz

Always carry at least one gold ring with you at all times. That way, you can't die. -VGC


If you shout out a weird Japanese word, you can shoot freakin' fireballs out of your hands! -Josh

Chopping down bushes or small plants reveals free money left for you to claim. -andrew

If you stand on the head of a crocodile, it can't harm you. -ZetaX


Gold bars and diamond rings are commonly found in the jungle. -VGC

Entering people's homes and rooting through stuff without their permission is perfectly acceptable. -N64Dude

When criminals die, their bodies blink momentarily and then disappear. -VGC

In basketball, if you shoot three shots in a row, the basket will literally burst into flames. -VGC

Street thugs like to dress up in different colored versions of the same outfit. -VGC

Having sex with a prostitute will improve your health. -ActRaiser


If you touch an ant, and your body flickers, do NOT touch that ant again!! -Hardcore Sadism

If you remain in a ducked position, you cannot be shot by gunmen. -VGC

Doors can only be unlocked by keys of the same color. -JB Philouza

Even the most well-trained soldiers cannot detect your presence if you hide in a large box. -Pixelcade

In the middle ages, all towns had a complex network of dungeons running underneath of them. -VGC

If you are ever chased by a giant hot dog, throw pepper on it! -soporj


Shooting off to the side will automatically reload your weapon. -VGC

In the 80's, ninjas would often kidnap the President, or his daughter. -VGC

It's important to trust complete strangers and do exactly what they tell you to. -snakeboy

Ninja Gaiden

It's sometimes possible to walk on clouds, but you won't know until you try. -VGC

If you see a waterfall, there's probably a cave or shortcut behind it. -Hovering Sheep


If you hear a constant pinging, you should see a doctor, because you're probably close to death! -VGC

If a barrel is painted red, it will explode when shot. -VGC

Aliens and demons love to take cover behind red barrels. -VGC