Death Crimson [Sega Saturn, 1996]

[Quick_Man]

Of all the genres in the world I struggle to think of actually genuine bad games, light gun shooters would have to be one of them. For one, most that come to mind are from the arcade - and it's generally harder for arcade stinkers to get away with it than it is with home releases. For another... well, how hard can it be? You just point at a screen and go shooty-shooty-bang-bang. The closest thing that would come to mind for me are the FMV shooters like Mad Dog McCree - mostly due to them not even trying to hide their awful design and unfair nature. House of the Dead or Time Crisis 2, it is not. But even then, the cheesy acting makes it not a total miss. I had to dig deeper to find the worst of the worst in one of my favourite genres. I looked into the abyss, and Death Crimson stared back. Before vomiting onto my shoes.

Death Crimson was released in 1996 by a company called Ecole. Ecole are best known for Death Crimson. This is where the origin story bit of the review ends. Please clap.

The opening alone creates an uneasy feeling - characters run through what looks like the woods and between decrepit bulidings while characters mutter back and forth. That is, one voice actor playing three characters mutter back and forth. Unsurprisingly, he is not convincing in his attempt at this.

When you start the game, you're greeted by one of the most incomprehensible-looking games I've ever seen. UI elements are impossible to figure out. "Honey, We Have Virtua Cop At Home" crosshairs hone in over enemies. Buildings look like cardboard, enemies look like the graphic design software ended up corrupting everything and instead of being told to start over the visual artist said "I think I've got something here!" Boss fights inexplicibly change from standard rail shooting to making you have to move the camera by shooting the sides of the screen. And before you know it, the screen has faded black and the Ecole logo is back. Did my Saturn just refuse to proceed? No, the game just doesn't have a Game Over screen. For a final laugh, the game has mouse support! Should be handy. Except they forgot to map anything to "reload". OOPS.

This game was a Japan-only title, and... woof. It is the worst Saturn game ever and I don't even think it's a particularly close battle. The legacy of the game is crazy, apparently people were disappointed by the future games because they weren't as bad. People in Japan would stick the disk in Saturns and glue the disc tray shut as pranks. Japanese gamers embracing the absolute horrible mess of a game ironically saved the company that created it from what should've killed it. The game included a message card in the box for players to send back to an address for the company - and reportedly, most of the responses just had "DIE" written on them. The founder of the company that created the company was a nuclear physicist who simply made the company out of boredom! The company later went onto create... [fumbles through notes] one of the first ever commercially released eroge games created specifically for gay men! [quickly flicks through notes faster] And Melty Blood?! They made Melty Blood?! [is now thumbing through notes like a crazy person] And Under Night In-Birth?! Two of the most popular and well received anime fighting game franchises ever?! Under Night "has more people playing it competitively than Mortal Kombat" In-Birth???????

[READ: NONE OF WHAT I WROTE IN THAT PARAGRAPH IS FALSE.]

Well, if that isn't a beautiful statement that no matter how terrible you feel about yourself, you can still make it - I don't know what is.

Japanese gamers call Death Crimson the King of Kusoge. And well, I bow down to it.

Rating: F-- [or A++, if you really think about it]

[Ars Moriendi]

I've played this game as well as Death Crimson OX and you're completely on the money with this review. This game is complete garbage and it deserves its sordid reputation. One way I've seen this game described is if the film director Ed Wood made a video game, which to me is pretty accurate. Speaking of Death Crimson OX, from the small amount that I've played of it to me it's a lot better than the original but still one of the poorer quality light gun games on the Dreamcast.

This was an awesome review, and I couldn't have written it better myself. Hopefully the Critic will tackle this game at some point. Fight Fever for the Neo Geo is another game that I'd like to see covered here, and that game is probably the equivalent to Death Crimson when it comes to the Neo Geo's library, even more so than Legend of Success Joe.

[VideoGameCritic]

I want to review this game but it is expensive!