Genesis Reviews T

With its Terminator 2 license and rapid-fire mayhem, you'd expect this to be the ultimate light gun game. How could it not be? Well, let me tell you. Designed for use with the Sega Menacer, T2: The Arcade Game is action-packed but repetitive and hard. In the opening stage you're shooting "endoskeletons" and flying craft on a post-apocalyptic battlefield. The graphics are grainy but there's no slowdown. Ammo is found in boxes at the bottom of the screen, and there's enough that you can spray bullets non-stop. It's fun to blast the heads off Terminators and shoot down flying aircraft. I love how the aircraft catch fire when damaged, but their explosions look totally fake. The massive tank boss looks awesome but he requires about 1000 shots to destroy. I wish I was exaggerating! I prefer the second stage which is set in the human hideout. In addition to shooting the flesh off of Arnold's face, you can destroy scenery to reveal power-ups. The flying robots are kind of a pain in the ass, but at least you don't have to contend with a boss. In stage three you must protect a truck from endoskeletons and flying craft, and it's an exercise in futility. The flying craft move across the screen too fast to shoot down, and when you focus on terminators in the foreground, you end up damaging the truck! T2 allows for cooperative play which is highly recommended. Only one person can use the Menacer, but that works out fine since it's not very accurate near the left side on the screen. The game has some digitized speech ("I'll be back") but it's very understated. Some sound effects are laughable, like when the T2 logo slams down and sounds more like a tin can than crashing steel. T2: The Arcade Game is a disappointment, but it still edges out the SNES version. © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.

Talespin for the NES and Turbografx were two very different style of games, but both were enjoyable. This Genesis edition is a side-scrolling platformer starring Baloo the bear. You can also play as Kit the little orphan bear but I wouldn't advise it because his pellet shots are terribly weak. Baloo is armed with one of those paddleball things you used to get at birthday parties as a kid. Remember how fun they were until the string broke after five minutes? Anyway Baloo can whip his paddleball in a rapid-fire fashion so that's pretty cool. I love the coconut sound made when you knock a snake the screen. Unfortunately this Talespin doesn't look or sound nearly as good as its Turbografx cousin. The jungle graphics are muddy and the tropical music sounds muted. That said, I enjoyed navigating the dense jungle, searching for secret passages, and occasionally taking a dip in an underground river. The idea is to collect a certain number of crates before the exit reveals itself. I found it annoying how crabs and monkeys tend to latch onto you. The second stage takes place in a mystical city at night, but it's loaded with tiger ninjas that are hard to kill. As a rule of thumb, when enemies won't go down, try attacking from the rear. I got terribly stuck in this game before I realized you need to stack crates to reach high places. These are different crates from the ones you're collecting mind you, and the controls for stacking them are bewildering. The game is confusing in so many ways. Sometimes you need to ride up a water fountain to reach a higher place, but the water actually hurts you! What the hell? Talespin includes an interesting two-player coop mode where Kit can ride on Baloo's back. When Kit gets separated the game will automatically suck him back to Baloo, making things a little easier. The game also features a fantastic-looking side-scrolling airplane shooter stage that might be fun if I had any idea what the [expletive] was going on! I was expecting to like Talespin for the Genesis but it felt like this game was resisting my every move. © Copyright 2019 The Video Game Critic.

This fresh new Genesis homebrew is exhilarating. Tanzer is a wild platformer with pinpoint controls, rapid-fire mayhem, and a stylish flair to boot. Its futuristic look calls to mind Vectorman (Sega, 1995) but Tanzer is far more frantic. You play a purple alien who sprints through each stage while performing acrobatic kicks that propel him high into the air. You can rapidly fire a medium-range "wave" in any direction, slicing through most enemies like butter. This is one of the few games where the fun begins the instant you pick up the controller. Novice players will want to take a cautious approach, but the stages are designed so experts can tear right through them. The first stage is a twisted take on the Wild West with disturbing enemies like cybernetic buffalos, a covered wagon with a face, and two horse heads grafted together. Defeated foes drop gold bars which are fun to scoop up. Despite the manic pace the animation remains smooth and the controls crisp. Between stages currency is used to upgrade your arsenal with elemental powers, giving you the ability to summon a stone wall or lay out a trail of flames. Tanzer's soundtrack is a relentless techno beat that's a perfect match for its frenetic gameplay. No major flaws to report, although I do wish I could turn off the splashing "blood" which is easily mistaken for projectiles. Plus blood coming out of drones doesn't even make sense. There's no stage select at the start but there are diverging paths within the stages. Tanzer could really use a password or continue option because the difficulty is so high. I find myself playing Tanzer pretty much every day, using a joystick controller with the turbo switches cranked up. I can't recall playing a more instantly-gratifying video game. © Copyright 2020 The Video Game Critic.

This obscure vertical shooter is nearly as fun to mock as it is to play. The intro depicts a pilot in a plane who appears to be playing with himself. The guy outside signaling for take-off looks completely disinterested, and the girl briefing you on your video screen looks like she's 12 years old. Once in the air an effeminate male voice exclaims "Commence operations!" Who did they hire for the voice acting, Richard Simmons? The first stage doesn't look much. In fact, the red, white, and cyan color scheme triggered flashbacks of my old PC outfitted with a CGA graphics card. I know my Genesis is capable of displaying more than four colors at a time, but you'd hardly know it from looking at this game. Most of the missions take place in cold, bland environments with white trees and icy blue waters. The gameplay however is far more impressive. Task Force Harrier is clearly descended from Xevious, as your plane fires missiles and drops bombs at the same time. Enemies are of the standard cannon/tank/helicopter variety. Your firepower is formidable from the get-go, and you have two escort planes. The A button initiates rapid-fire (both missiles and bombs) and B lets you reconfigure your escort formation. The spread formation provides the most coverage, but you'll want to pull them in tight to fire down the throat of a boss. Your bombs drop a short distance ahead of you, so you'll need to carefully position your plane to take our ground installations. There seems to be a weird delay between when your bombs explode on the ground and when the targets are destroyed. The clanking effects of missiles striking enemy armor are grating, but the edgy 16-bit tunes are good. The game also tries to incorporate some scaling effects but they are not the least bit convincing. Still, Task Force Harrier is great fun on the strength of its non-stop action and crazy firepower. Frankly I am astounded by the level of kick-ass this old-school shooter serves up. © Copyright 2011 The Video Game Critic.

Back in 1992 my buddy Eric and I ran out to buy this game shortly after seeing the TV commercial. "Wow! Did you see those graphics? It's like watching a freakin' cartoon!" Yes, the main character looks exceptional, but playing this game is a colossal pain in the ass. Packed with every annoying platform gimmick conceived by game designers who didn't know any better, this is the Irritable Bowel Syndrome of games. The level designs are a nightmare. Within the first ten seconds you'll find yourself wallowing in quicksand while being attacked by invincible block-headed creatures! It's never clear where you're supposed to go, and you'll absorb one mandatory hit after the next trying to find out. Calling the jumping controls "imprecise" would be far too kind, and omnipresent spikes frequently spell instant death. Worst of all, you're expected to make blind "leaps of faith" off the side of the screen and hope there's a safe place to land. It doesn't help that Taz eats everything he touches, so if you hop down and there's a bomb there, he'll eat it and die. The locales are highly unoriginal with the obligatory desert, jungle, and ice stages. But the worst of the bunch is the wretched mine stage, where you're forced to jump between moving elevators that are off the screen! I can't believe I even got that far. The baddies are freakish monsters, and some look like the face-grabbers from the Alien movies. Taz's spin attack is fun to use, but it's only effective on the weakest creatures. I like the subtle background music, which sounds like an old Saturday morning cartoon, but that's negated by the non-stop sound effects which are incredibly grating. My best memory of Taz Mania is when Eric and I made some serious cash ($28 each!) by selling our copies to the Game Trader store. Considering they had piles of used Taz games behind the counter, we felt like two bank robbers leaving that place. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Super Bowl III offers more realism than previous Tecmo football titles, perhaps in an attempt to compete with the Madden series. Unfortunately, this added depth takes its toll on the fun factor. What made the Tecmo series so popular in the first place was its fast, arcade-style gameplay, but Super Bowl III feels uncharacteristically slow and laborious. Although the action is still viewed from the side, the graphics have been given a complete overhaul. The players appear more lifelike and the field more realistic, but the visuals lack the polish of past Tecmo games. There are some nifty new options, including weather conditions, injuries on/off, fumbles on/off, and three stadiums, including a baseball stadium with a diamond in the center. Other bells and whistles include digitized player photos and measures for first downs. Sadly, Tecmo's trademark halftime shows are nowhere to be found. Super Bowl III's basic gameplay is the same as previous editions, but there's a cool new hurdle move and the quarterback throws the ball with more zip. Unfortunately, you can't see as much of the field, and this makes selecting an open receiver more difficult. But the biggest change involves a new play selection system. You have a lot more plays to choose from, but the clunky user interface is slow, unresponsive, and hard to read. As a result, selecting your play is a chore. Playing against the computer is also a headache, as he takes forever to hike the friggin' ball (after yelling "hut" about ten times). The audio is less than appealing, with its grating music and scratchy voices. Tecmo Super Bowl III still has that winning gameplay at its core, but it lacks the charm and simplicity of the original. Note: A reader advised me that this was called "Final Edition" because Tecmo planned to continue the series on the Playstation, but that turned out to be a real dog (thanks AK). © Copyright 2004 The Video Game Critic.

The highlight of Judgment Day may be its animated intro showing Arnold arriving at a truck stop buck-naked. As he walks toward the building it's hilarious how objects like fences and motorcycles are perfectly placed to obscure his private parts. Once the action begins, disappointment may set in. In contrast to the smooth arcade look of the first Terminator (Virgin, 1992) game, Terminator 2 contains small, pixelated characters that move in a choppy manner. Your first objective is to locate several critical items at the bar including John Connor's address. Well-armed bikers pour out of the woodwork, and at first you can only dish out weak punches and kicks. Eventually you'll pick up a shotgun, but it doesn't slow their relentless assault. Fortunately a Terminator can take a lot of damage. In the second stage you drive around on a motorcycle looking for John Connor's house. The high overhead view makes you look like a little flea whizzing down the streets and bouncing off of cars. It's a little cheesy but provides a nice change of pace. Once at John Connor's house you'll want to shoot the red alarm box on the side of the house or being forced to play the entire stage while listening to a blaring siren. Pretty soon you begin having run-ins with the T-1000, who tends to dissolve into melted metal after you pump him full of lead. The stages tend to alternate between building searches and driving sequences. There are two elements that keep this game respectable. First, I like how it follows the storyline of the movie and lets you explore memorable locations like the mall, the mental hospital, and Cyberdyne headquarters. Second, I love how you can blow [expletive] up. Whereever you go, you have plenty of firepower and much of the scenery is destructible, including cars, cash registers, windows, and even arcade games. I especially enjoyed going on a rampage in the mall. When you shoot people they keel over and the screen displays the message "non-life-threatening injuries" to be consistent with the film. When you finally die, you witness one of the longest death sequences ever as Arnold repeatedly struggles to pick himself back up. If that's not bad enough, you're then subjected to digitized pictures of a burning playground while being informed that you're responsible for the loss of 3 billion lives. What ever happened to "thank you for playing"? © Copyright 2013 The Video Game Critic.

This platform-shooter is suspect, but it does take full advantage of its Terminator license, recreating key locations and plot twists from the classic film. Playing the role of Kyle Reese, you'll battle through a Terminator lair, a police station, the Tech Noir bar, and the factory where the film's climax occurs. How could this game not be awesome? Well, the opening stage is absolutely horrendous in terms of design. You find yourself in the post-apocalyptic future, and right off the bat you encounter a huge robot-tank that bombards you with laser blasts. I can't believe this is the first thing you face. This game has no concept of ramping difficulty. Once you enter the underground lair, Terminators pour out of the woodwork, which might be alarming if they weren't so easily destroyed. In the movie it took every ounce of effort to destroy a single Terminator, but here you mow them down like grass. Stage one is confusing. It's not clear what you're supposed to do, and if not for a YouTube video I might still be stuck. That's a shame because there's a lot to see in this game. The graphics have an arcade quality and digitized photos are displayed between stages. In the city street stage you'll actually see a poster for the Terminator movie! The Tech Noir bar looks fantastic with its colorful neon lights. It's cool how the game follows the storyline of the film, but the gameplay is frustrating. Since you play good guy Kyle Reese, you can't really kill any people, but everybody is out to kill you, including the entire police department. I like how you can scoot up ladders quickly, but I hate how you can't jump and shoot at the same time. The game is buggy too. In one case a robot got stuck and it sounded like a record scratching for the rest of the stage. There are zero continues so you'll want to set the difficulty to easy. I can't imagine playing this on "very hard". If you own a Game Genie, you can breeze through the entire game in under 20 minutes. If you don't have one, you're in for a world of hurt. Good luck! © Copyright 2012 The Video Game Critic.

In 1992 my buddy Tuan lent me this game after he borrowed it from his uncle. I remember we couldn't get over how good it was. In retrospect Thunder Force III is probably one of the best shooters of all time. Unlike most side-scrolling shooters which confront you with repetitive waves, Thunder Force III is full of surprises. The A button controls your speed, B engages rapid-fire, and C toggles your weapons. You accumulate weapons and each excels under particular circumstances. For example, missiles are great in caves because they hug rocky surfaces to clear any cannon fortifications. The claw ratchets up your firepower with two rotating satellites that also absorb incoming missiles. Losing a ship costs you your current weapon, so it's good strategy to hold off using your best weapon until it's really needed. The stage select is a tremendous feature considering the diversity of the stages. There's a jungle planet, a coral reef, a raging inferno, icy mountain ridges, and a subterranean world with shifting tectonic plates. Varied adversaries include flaming birds, wasps, serpents, nautili, and fireball-spewing roses. The graphics are clean and attractive, but the music is monumental. Only Streets of Rage (Genesis, 1991) could give this soundtrack a run for the money on the Genesis. These high-energy, harmonized tunes drive the action like a turbine engine. I love the sound of shots beating against enemies like rain on a tin roof. Bosses include a dragon, twin robots, a one-eyed fish, and the mighty "G Lobster". You could argue there are cheap hits like lava geysers and dropping rocks, but most are preceded by some sort of audio/visual cue. The control, pacing, balance, and challenge are spot-on. Modern shooters could learn a lot from Thunder Force III. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

When you eavesdrop on a conversation about bad video games, you'll typically hear titles mentioned like ET for the Atari 2600, Superman for the Nintendo 64, and Time Killers for the Genesis. This ill-conceived one-on-one fighter is best known for its severed limbs and decapitations. It sounds like Mortal Kombat, but Time Killers has more in common with Eternal Champions (Sega, 1993). Its eight time-traveling gladiators include Thugg the caveman, Lord Wulf the knight, and a chainsaw-wielding punk named Rancid. The fighters are surprisingly small and cartoonish for a mature-rated title. The colorful backgrounds are not spectacular, but the looming castle, pirate ship, and Blade Runner stages are mildly interesting. The stage with the dead T-Rex is somewhat disturbing. A six-button control pad is required to play, and the controls seem inordinately complicated, with button functions like "weapon leg", "back arm", and "head". The manual provides a list of moves for each fighter, but it's hard to tell if you're executing them correctly. Unlike other fighting games, your health bar actually grows as you incur damage. Time Killers is violent, but its cartoonish graphics are too goofy to offend. When a limb goes flying, it rarely affects your ability to fight, although the maimed player does tend to inflict less damage. Losing both arms turns you into a kicking maniac, and getting your head chopped off really hurts your chances of victory. Occasionally one fighter goes buck-wild and slices up the other like a Vege-matic, and it's fun to watch. The game's obligatory boss is Death himself, but this grim reaper transforms into a skinny Samurai when fighting, and that looks dumb. Death is also pretty cheap, spawning a new life bar whenever you have him on the ropes. Time Killers' audio is ultra-weak. Much of the music and sound effects sound recycled from Taz Mania (Sega, 1992), and that's not exactly high praise. The voice samples sound like a guy with emphysema clearing his throat! Time Killers might have generated some controversy in its day, except for the fact that nobody played it. Time Killers is definitely bad, but it comes dangerously close to falling into that "so bad it's good" category. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.

When I first reviewed Toejam and Earl, I gave it a pretty mediocre grade, but after taking some grief from the game's legion of devoted fans, I decided to give it a second chance. It took a few hours, but gradually Toejam and Earl did indeed grow on me. In case you've never experienced this unique title, it's a relatively slow-paced, collect-the-items experience with cheesy graphics and a really juvenile sense of humor. Toejam and Earl are two rapping space aliens searching for the ten pieces of their crashed space ship. The funky hip-hop theme is evident by their sneakers, chains, funky walks, and bass-heavy music. As one or two players roam the nondescript planet surfaces, you collect helpful (and not-so-helpful) items wrapped as presents. Examples include high-top shoes that let you sprint, a slingshot that launches tomatoes, a pogo stick, or an inner tube that lets you float in water. You'll encounter strange characters like a jetpack-wearing Santa, a woman with a screaming kid in a shopping cart, a sexy hula girl, and a guy dressed up as a carrot. These inject some humor and break up the monotony of your aimless wandering. The planet surfaces are randomly generated, but they all tend to look the same. The planet is actually composed of several planes, and it's quite easy to fall from a high one to a lower one, which is really aggravating. What I found compelling about the game is the challenge of locating all the pieces. To do so, you'll need to do a lot of exploring and use your items strategically. Toejam and Earl is time consuming and you can't save your place, so make sure you have a few hours set aside before you begin your quest. The two-player mode splits the screen so each player has his own view, and this was quite novel for 1991. The music is probably the highlight of the game. These funky tunes don't sound like much as first, but they gradually get under your skin. There's even a "Jam Out" mode where you insert samples into a mini music video, and it's surprisingly fun. The game also features some nice psychedelic effects, including a hypnotic elevator sequence. Toejam and Earl is one of those games whose sum is greater than its parts. It's not the most exciting adventure, but if you give it a chance, it might just win you over © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

This odd platformer begins with an evil genetic engineer (is there another kind?) kidnapping your smokin' hot girlfriend then transforming you into the slowest monkey on earth. And you thought you were having a bad day! The game's title "Toki Going Ape Spit" is a lot of fun to say out loud. Please kids, try this at home! Toki's gameplay is predictable as you leap between floating platforms, duck under projectiles, and avoid assorted creatures. The jumping controls are forgiving, which minimizes the frustration factor. There are a few vine-climbing sections reminiscent of Donkey Kong Jr. but jumping between the vines can be tricky. The stage selection includes all of the obligatory climates including jungle, volcano, underwater, and ice worlds. My personal favorite is the waterfall stage with its amazing view of cliffs through a narrow rocky gorge. What makes this game special is how Toki can rapidly fire pellets from his mouth in any direction - including diagonally! Better yet, power-ups let you unleash three-way shots, flames, charged shots, and bouncing balls. This kind of firepower lets you make short work of small dinosaurs, giant moths, and huge spikes that sprout from the ground. Upon killing a spider, webbing drips from his butt, and it looks disgusting! But your worst adversary is that bouncing monkey who is a dead ringer for Richard Nixon! Toki does have one serious flaw: too many cheap hits! Enemies and hazards are deadly to the touch, and there are usually several on the screen at a given time. It's too easy to hit your head on a flying object that suddenly comes into view as you jump. Worse yet, you'll drop off a platform into a bed of unseen spikes. The first stage has this rose-shaped creature that kept pouncing on my monkey ass with no warning at all! Once you get used to taking your lumps, Toki is fun to play for high score. Defeated enemies drop fruit to collect, and it's satisfying to watch your score rack up. The soundtrack is another great feature, delivering a catchy groove with an irresistible undercurrent. Toki Going Ape Spit caused me plenty of grief and frustration, but not enough to make me want to stop playing! © Copyright 2011 The Video Game Critic.

I had high hopes for Toy Story but was disappointed by its opening stage. It's a side-scrolling level takes place in a kid's room but it's hard to tell what you can or can't jump on! That's because the foreground and background objects are not distinct from one another. Also, it seems like the most obvious ledge to jump on is always a millimeter too high. The graphics attempt to recreate the 3D style of the film but if you've played Donkey Kong Country (SNES, 1994) you're not going to be impressed by these fuzzy characters. That said, the animation is great and I love watching those little green army men in action. The kid's room is kind of dull but scenes like the gas station and Pizza Planet arcade feature interesting scenery. The audio consists of happy-go-lucky music and less-than-clear digitized voices ("You don't want to be in the way when my laser goes off"). What saves the game is its sheer variety. There are over 20 stages and it's hard to find two that are alike. You'll put toys away, sneak around in a soda cup, and protect Buzz from the terrifying "claw". Most stages are side-scrolling, including a few races and chases. There are overhead racing levels as well, which would be a lot more fun if you didn't spin out whenever you touched something. The behind-the-back races are so impressive they'd give Super Mario Kart (SNES, 1992) a run for the money. Perhaps the biggest surprise is the toy alien mission with its exceptionally smooth first-person corridor action. So while the stages are uneven in quality, it's always fun to see what the next one has in store. The lack of a password feature is a shame, but there is a handy code to skip levels. If nothing else, Toy Story makes you want to go back and watch the old Pixar movies, and that's got to be worth something. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

This has got to be one of the most difficult platform games I've ever played. The first stage is so insanely hard that I became obsessed with beating it. You control a lightly armored spaceman who must blast his way through five hostile environments, contending with bugs, birds, robots, and goons in jet packs. Turrican has a lot of irritating hazards, like retracting spikes, raining meteors, treacherous leaps of faith, and tiny satellite dishes that spray missiles when you approach. Your default firepower is weak, and even minor enemies can absorb multiple shots. The number of platforms you need to jump between is excessive, and one false move will send you plummeting to your death. It all sounds very hopeless - and it is. Turrican is armed with special weapons, but their effectiveness is offset by an awkward control scheme. The C button is used to toggle your special weapons, and this is not practical in the heat of battle. Pressing down and B transforms you into a spiked ball, which is usually good for killing one or two enemies before rolling off a cliff to your death. Your most effective weapon is the high-powered "lightning whip", but since you need to hold down a button to unleash it, it's easy to forget about. For more hints, check out Turrican's demo mode, which reveals a number of hidden secrets. Unfortunately, even when you know the secrets and take a careful approach, you'll get your ass handed to you again and again. When the game prompts you to continue, it sends your sorry ass back to the beginning of the stage. I had to resort to a cheat code to check out the advanced stages, which I determined to be equally difficult and more repetitive. I will give this game credit for its adrenaline-pumping soundtrack, which had me humming along all the while. It's the highlight of the game! All in all, Turrican is unreasonably difficult, but I found it hard to pull myself away from it, so I guess it's not all bad. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

Twin Cobra is a simple-yet-fun vertical shooter that calls to mind 8-bit oldies like 1943 (NES, 1988) and Xevious (Atari 7800, 1986). In the words of my friend Dennis "it doesn't pretend to be anything it's not." You control a helicopter blasting fortresses in the desert, tanks crawling on overpasses, and warships patrolling harbors. The graphics won't win any awards. The scenery looks gritty and the water is just a static blue pattern. The spirited music however gets you primed for some challenging rapidfire shooting mayhem. Your weapon is initially weak but power-ups appear early and often. Once things get going the action never lets up and there's no sign of slowdown. The explosions sound like balloons popping, but it's pretty satisfying to hear a flurry of pops as you strafe the screen. Your most dangerous enemies are the green helicopters and giant bombers. They can absorb a lot of damage so I'd suggest you drop a bomb as soon as they appear. Yeah, you'll be tempted to conserve those bombs but keep in mind you can't take them with you. Destroyed scenery sometimes reveals stars you can scoop up worth 3000 points each. You only get paid however if you complete the level intact, and frankly the chances of that happening are pretty low. It's good strategy to remain low on the screen. Since your copter is much longer than it is wide, it's easier to avoid shots coming from the front than from the sides. One irritating aspect of the game is the way power-up icons tend to be so elusive. Weapon icons on the other hand linger forever, basically forcing you to switch weapons. Most weapons don't look all that impressive but they are all effective in their own way. Twin Cobra is my favorite type of shooter, offering just enough chaos without overwhelming the senses. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

The year is 2020, and your job is to rid the Big Apple of crooks, hoods, and dangerous mutants who have taken over. I could have sworn that I played this on the NES, but apparently I was confusing it with "Bad Dudes", another Data East game. The characters are big, and can pick up gigantic objects like cars and toss them with extreme prejudice. The background cityscapes are fun to look at, and the music isn't bad either. Unlike Streets of Rage, Two Crude Dudes plays exclusively on a 2D plane, but in addition to the ground level there's usually a second, higher platform you can also play on. Unfortunately, getting up and down from that platform can be a pain at times. Your dude can jump, crouch, punch, kick, climb, and even tuck and roll. But by far the best aspect of the game is your ability to pick up objects like rocks and cars and toss them into groups of oncoming thugs. I love the "Krak!" and "Wham!" symbols that accompany a good hit (like the old Batman TV series). A diverse assortment of enemies includes wresters, robots, animals, and freaks. The hunchbacks and dogs are especially dangerous - they latch on and won't let go! Be sure to use your jump-kicks to dispatch them before they can sink their choppers into you. The henchmen who scale the walls look like they're taking a crap on you, but if you closely scrutinize the graphics, you'll be relieved to see they're just vomiting. The disturbingly weird mutant bosses reveal some inspired character designs, like the tall guy with praying-mantis arms. Your dude can recharge his life by beating up soda machines and drinking a few cans - very cool. I also like how the dudes flex and smile after each stage - it always cracks me up. Two Crude Dudes is a decent game for one person, but the two-player mode is a mess. First of all, you're always getting in your partner's way. In addition, slowdown and flicker become a problem when things get hectic. But for a one-player game, Two Crude Dudes is a fair way to spend an afternoon. © Copyright 2003 The Video Game Critic.