system Index A-L
3D Bowling
Grade: A-
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2009/4/8


screenshotWhen the marquee title for a system is a bowling game, that's not a good sign. But it's the truth: 3D Bowling is one of the most sophisticated, playable games for the Arcadia 2001. The main screen is split into three parts. A rack of pins is displayed up top, a scorecard scrolls across the middle, and your bowler can be seen on the bottom, standing in the lane from a side-angle. I really like how he's holding the ball up in front of him like a professional bowler trying to concentrate. The controls have a learning curve, but once you get the hang of them, they offer a fine degree of control. Not only do you line up your bowler and administer the curve, but by holding in the spin duration button you determine exactly how much spin is applied. You press the bowl button to initiate your roll, and press it again to release the ball. This is the only bowling game I can recall where you can actually step over the foul line - resulting in a penalty! The ball looks a bit like a flat tire as it begins its trek, but when the game switches to a close-up of the pins, it looks much better. I suspect this close-up angle is what the "3D" in the title refers to. The ball is large and moves in a realistic manner, but the pins simply fall in place instead of knocking into each other. Don't hold your breath about making that split! The collision detection is a little fishy, especially with regard to that pesky second pin from the left in the back row (sometimes known as "the phantom"). There's a lot of room for technique, and the computer does a good job of keeping score. You can view the entire score sheet at any time with the press of a button. 3D Bowling is genuinely fun, and best of all - you don't need to wear those damp, stinky shoes. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 158
1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: Bowling (Intellivision)
Virtual Bowling (Japan) (Virtual Boy)
Nester's Funky Bowling (Virtual Boy)
Brunswick World Tournament Champions (Super Nintendo)
Bowling (Atari 2600)

3D Soccer
Grade: D
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2017/2/28

screenshot3D Soccer is one those rare games that's actually better than its controls. Apart from the mesmerizing title screen (not really) the 3D is not readily apparent. I guess the game's isometric (diagonal tilted) perspective offers a sense of depth? Despite a lack of instructions I somehow managed to set up a contest against the CPU. The players move with with a fluid running motion, the ball has a shadow, and the lines on the field look sharp. You simply touch the ball to take control and press a button to kick. I love the fact that instead of going out of bounds the ball bounces off invisible walls as if you were playing indoor soccer. Not only does this keep the action moving but it allows for some imaginative (read: accidental) goals. Still, 3D Soccer asks a lot of the player. The diagonal scrolling is rough and it's hard to kick the ball at certain angles. Even when you do get off a good shot it tends to inexplicably sail "too high". What?! I was standing right in front of the [expletive] goal! The players move like they're running through molasses and the stiff Arcadia joysticks are hell on your hands. If I could hook up a PS1 controller to this console, we might have something here. I almost had fun with 3D Soccer but not without a high degree of discomfort. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: Realsports Soccer (Atari 2600)
International Soccer (Atari 2600)
Goal! (NES)
VR Soccer (Saturn)
Mobile Suit Gundam (Japan) (Arcadia 2001)

Alien Invaders
Grade: C
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/7


screenshotThe title screen for Alien Invaders tries to convey impending doom, but it's hilariously bad. As aliens are shown congregating over a city, the ominous background score sounds more like a second grader struggling through a clarinet recital! It's so stilted and off-key that you almost have to laugh. Although clearly a Space Invaders clone, Alien Invaders does have its moments. First off, there are a ton of aliens jam-packed into that formation at the top of the screen. If I were Carl Sagan, I'd say there were billions and billions of them! How any of your shots can miss is beyond me! Rendered in four colors, the aliens also tend to shift directions unpredictably and "wrap" around the sides of the screen. Your cannon floats across a platform on the bottom, and can seek refuge under three shields. A blocky city skyline looms in the background, although this goes away as the aliens descend. Unlike the original Space Invaders, mother ships continuously move across the top, and shooting one pauses the action for a brief "explosion" animation. Alien Invaders is pretty fun to play, but only if you wait until a missile is visible on the tip of your cannon before you fire. If you simply pound the fire button there's an annoying delay before the next missile is armed. Maybe it's like that by design, but I kind of doubt it. The only thing that ruins this otherwise enjoyable shooter is its incomprehensible time limit! That's right - every game is only about three minutes long, no matter how well you're doing! And since there's only one wave, you'll spend most of that final minute picking off the mother ships. Wow, the designers really shot themselves in the foot with that bone-head decision! It effectively reduces Alien Invaders from an intense shooter to a cautionary tale. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 303
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Astro Battle (Bally Astrocade)
Space Invaders (Atari 2600)
Alien Invasion (Fairchild Channel F)
Space Attack (Arcadia 2001)
Astro Invader (Arcadia 2001)

American Football
Grade: D+
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/7

screenshotIt's pretty sloppy, but I have to credit Emerson for at least attempting to create a full-featured football game. American Football is played on a side-scrolling screen with players that look like those generic "people" from the Odyssey 2 games. Some of this game's notable features include field goals, safeties, fumbles, and off-sides penalties. You get two run and two pass plays, but also have the option to run with the quarterback or activate a "decoy" receiver. The overall design is ambitious, but the execution is lacking. You only control one player at a time, and his movements are terribly jerky. Players not under your control tend to stand around like a bunch of idiots. But American Football's biggest downfall is its convoluted control scheme. The keys on the keypad serve multiple functions, and having to constantly look down at the controller while a play is unfolding is unacceptable. Worst yet, the keypad overlays have tiny text and the buttons are poorly organized. At the very least, you'd think they could have assigned "pass" to one of the side buttons, but no, those are left unused. You'll also want to turn the volume down because the constant "whooshing" sounds like a freaking hurricane is coming through! American Football is playable, but let's face it - most other football games of the same era blow this out of the water. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

2 players 

If you like this game, try: Realsports Football (Atari 5200)
10-Yard Fight (NES)
Football (Atari 2600)
Electronic Table Soccer (Odyssey 2)
Super Football (Atari 2600)

Astro Invader
Grade: C
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2013/8/6

screenshotThis obscure arcade shooter combines elements of Space Invaders and Galaxian. It begins with an impressively large mother ship whizzing across the top before depositing little aliens into a series of chutes. You move a cannon across the bottom of the screen, blasting these sitting-duck aliens as fast as you can press the fire button. It's a shame there's no automatic fire option, because this game is murder on your thumb. The aliens don't provide any resistance for the first few waves, leading you to wonder what the point of this game is exactly. Once you reach about 5000 points however, they begin to dive bomb and the difficulty goes from non-existent to astronomical. It wouldn't be so hard if the aliens didn't "splatter" when they hit, as their wide explosions can engulf your cannon. Worse yet, diamond-shaped "nukes" periodically float down and will cost you a ship if they hit the surface. Things get crazy in a hurry, so it's just a matter of persevering long enough to snag the high score. Rest assured that by 10K your thumb will be in agonizing pain. I do admire the frenetic pace of this shooter, even if the animation is a little choppy. With each wave, the mother ship deploys a different variety of alien of various colors and shapes. Astro Invader has a nice arcade vibe, but my thumb did not appreciate the vertical difficulty curve. © Copyright 2013 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 11,140
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Astro Battle (Bally Astrocade)
Astro Invader (Colecovision)
Alien Invaders (Arcadia 2001)
Vector Vaders 2: The Director's Cut (Vectrex)
Space Raiders (Arcadia 2001)

Auto Race
Grade: C
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2017/2/28

screenshotArcadia 2001 instruction manuals are hard to come by so I was really happy to see an intuitive setup menu when I fired up Auto Race. You simply select the number of players, one of three routes, your speed setting, and number of laps. Then you hit start and you're off to the races. Your car slowly accelerates on its own. You press a button to brake, and that comes in handy for tight turns and to avoid the occasional pedestrian. Wait a minute - are those flailing pedestrians or turkeys?! The scenery is limited to trees and box-like shapes representing the roofs of houses. The angular roads tend to zigzag all over the place but your car does have the ability to power slide. The choppy scrolling causes flashing along the edges of the screen but since your car remains in the center it doesn't really affect the gameplay. Once you reach the finish your time is displayed. In the two-player mode you earn points by outrunning your opponent or having him crash. After each crash two scores are displayed labeled "MAG" and WHT". It took me a few seconds to realize that was referring to the colors of the automobiles: magenta and white! There's not much to see here, but if you want to burn rubber the old school way, give Auto Race a go. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 2
Our high score: 40 sec
1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: Auto Racing (Intellivision)
Golf (Arcadia 2001)
Enduro Racer (Sega Master System)
Wacky Races (Dreamcast)
Monaco Grand Prix (Europe) (Arcadia 2001)

Baseball
Grade: F
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/7

screenshotThis comedy of errors belongs on the permanent DL. It only takes one look at that white grass and green diamond to know that this game is hurting in the worst way. The players are large and the ball moves smoothly, but that's the extent of the good news. You can't even throw a pitch until the second player presses the "signal to pitch" button on his controller. Ugh!! This ill-conceived design flaw makes every game about twice as long as it should be! The pitches come in pretty fast, and you swing by pressing a button on the keypad. When balls are hit to the infield, the fielding is totally automatic, which is lame as hell! When a ball is hit to the outfield, a cut-away screen depicts a fielder in a large triangle. Apparently this is meant to show the ball heading towards the fence, but it looks atrocious and is completely disconcerting. Once you have the ball, you can whip it between the bases pretty quickly thanks to the diamond-shaped graphic on the control pad overlay. Unfortunately, the programmers had to get cute and add "arcs" to each throw. As a result, the ball moves through the air like it has a mind of its own! Baseball also has its fair share of glitches, including one that will not let your fielder relinquish the ball until all the runners have scored! Yeah, I know it's just a minor bug, but I like to nitpick! And then there's the audio. This game beeps so incessantly that it should come with ear plugs! My buddy Scott offered a five word review for this game: "Beep beep beep beep F!!!" © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

2 players 

If you like this game, try: World Championship Baseball (Intellivision)
Realsports Baseball (Atari 5200)
Baseball (Fairchild Channel F)
Bases Loaded 2: Second Season (NES)
MLB 07: The Show (Playstation 3)

Breakaway
Grade: B
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/16

screenshotAt first glance, Breakaway resembles an ugly version of Breakout (Atari 2600, 1978). Its walls aren't exactly a rainbow of colors, but its unorthodox control scheme works surprisingly well. Your joystick-controlled paddle moves slowly by default, but holding down a keypad button gives it a nice boost. In the basic variation you just deflect a ball against a wall, but others let you steer, catch, or slice right through the wall. A nasty glitch makes these games a lot more challenging than they should be. Many times when you press the button for a new ball it comes flying down so fast you have no chance to react! You'll lose a lot of balls that way, so it's a good thing you get five. Before you dismiss Breakaway, check out its innovative head-to-head mode. Two players defend walls on each side of the screen, giving it a bit of a Warlords (Atari 2600, 1977) vibe. You can compete against a friend or the CPU, and it's a lot harder than it looks! You move your paddle up and down instead of left to right, but the programmers didn't bother to adjust the controls, so you'll have to hold your controller sideways. My friend Scott discovered a technique that allowed him to press both the keypad (for speed) and side button (to catch) - in addition to the joystick. "Hey look - I can do both at the same time!" "Gee Scott, that's looks really uncomfortable." "Yeah! And it hurts like a b*tch!!" We had some fun, but some contests seemed to end prematurely thanks the game's unnecessary time limit. Even so, these head-to-head variations make Breakaway one of the more entertaining Arcadia titles. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 4
Our high score: 788
1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: Fireball (Atari 2600)
Breakout (Atari 2600)
Kaboom! (Atari 5200)
Pinball Challenge (Fairchild Channel F)
Off The Wall (Atari 2600)

Cat Trax
Grade: A-
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/1


screenshotCat Trax takes a page from every maze game ever invented, and the results are pretty good! You control a feline in a cat-nip-lined maze with three dogs in pursuit. Like Pac-Man, "tunnels" along the edge of the screen allow you to escape to the opposite side. Your movement is a little sluggish, but the controls are responsive enough. A fish randomly appears in the center of the screen (that's a fish?), and touching it changes your cat into a dog-catching truck. The pause that occurs during this transformation can be slightly annoying. As a truck you quickly zip around the maze and snag dogs for points. The dogs make little attempt to escape, and they are neatly "crated up" as you catch each one. I like how the dogs don't return to the maze until you after you return to your cat form. Spicing up the action is your ability to open and close "gates" around the maze - much like Mousetrap. Your cat even has the ability to "warp" out of trouble - a feature referred to in space games as "hyperspace". The graphics in Cat Trax are exceptionally good, and that bright blue maze is very attractive. Each dog has its own distinctive look, although some look more like demons with horns. The sound effects are definitely weak, mainly limited to beeps and buzzes. 32 game variations are included, which is a lot for an Arcadia game. Cat Trax has a friendly arcade quality that makes you want to play, and enough depth to keep you playing. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 1-5
Our high score: CJS 9860
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Cat Trax (Atari 2600)
Tanks A Lot (Arcadia 2001)
Maze (Fairchild Channel F)
Super Pac-Man (Atari 5200)
Marine Fishing (Dreamcast)

Circus
Grade: F
Publisher: UA Ltd. (1983)
Reviewed: 2019/11/22


screenshotThe original clowns-on-teeter totter formula was well-established with Circus Atari (Atari 2600, 1978) - a title often imitated but never equalled. At first glance this Arcadia 2001 version looks promising. The clowns are well articulated as they wave their arms while soaring through the air. The balloons are actually round (something us retro-gamers can never take for granted) and move smoothly across the top. The background is a teal color that's oh-so-easy to the eyes (unlike this screenshot). But these controls... oy! A game like this needs a precision analog controller like a paddle, not a stiff joystick. Instead of moving smoothly across the bottom, your see-saw jumps between three positions (left/middle/right)! So how does the computer move so smoothly in attract mode? The severely limited controls mean you can only carom the clowns at the same repetitive angles, using the button to "flip" the see-saw. Am I missing something here? Trying to play Circus is like trying to eat soup with a fork. It's not very nourishing and you look like an ass doing it. © Copyright 2019 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 5
Our high score: 965
1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: Super Circus AtariAge (Atari 7800)
Circus Atari (Atari 2600)
Clowns/Brickyard (Bally Astrocade)
Dumbo's Flying Circus (Prototype) (Atari 2600)
P.T. Barnum's Acrobats (Odyssey 2)

Combat
Grade: C
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2013/8/6

screenshotMost classic gamers associate the word Combat with Atari's 1977 classic. This Arcadia 2001 rendition mimics the same tank/plane shooting formula, but adds scenery, mines, and a slew of options. You can adjust your speed, the range of missiles, and the ability to see and/or destroy mines. There's even a setting that lets you shoot "over" scenery, which consists of simple houses and trees placed randomly around the screen. The tank variations are severely hampered by an awkward control scheme that requires you to press a button on the keypad to move forward. The battlefields are cluttered, resulting in a lot of abrupt starting and stopping. The game never establishes a flow and tends to be really irritating. The airplane variations are much more enjoyable. The controls are simple since you're flying over the scenery. The action is fast and smooth, and I like how it's possible for the planes to collide with each other. The battles go on indefinitely, so you and a friend will need to agree on a final score, which is lame. There are 88 variations in all but the pathetic instruction manual makes it hard to find the one you want. It contains a "grid" of options, but not all the numbers are listed along the top and most don't even line up with the squares! Atari demonstrated the proper way to do this in 1977, so there's no excuse for this 1982 game. In many ways Combat on the Arcadia improves upon the original, but you would never know with the lousy instructions and poorly-designed tank controls. © Copyright 2013 The Video Game Critic.

2 players 

If you like this game, try: Combat (Atari 2600)
Word Zapper (Atari 2600)
Red Baron/Panzer Attack (Bally Astrocade)
Star Ship (Atari 2600)
Skiing (Atari 2600)

Crazy Climber
Grade: C
Publisher: UA Ltd. (1982)
Reviewed: 2019/11/22

screenshotIf nothing else Crazy Climber captures the arduous nature of climbing a real skyscraper. The challenge begins when you're instructed to press A to select your level. The problem is, there's no A button on the console or controller. Apparently the select button lets you choose between four skill levels. Once you hit start your little stick figure climbs the first few floors on his own, making you wonder what the hell is going on. The controls feel terribly stiff. You move in a halting manner, pausing between each pull-up or side-step. The idea is to avoid closed windows and falling objects. The windows are adorned with green and yellow rectangles that like more like blinds. Try to grab a shut window and you go into free-fall mode, losing one of your five lives. You'll need to react quickly to falling objects including boxes printed with the words "LOOK" and "OUT". Your score only flashes when you stop moving, which looks really crappy. The building configuration changes as you progress, but I don't think you can ever reach the top, which is anti-climactic, don't you think? The game over screen presents you score with the current high and the uplifting message "You are great". How about that? Come to think of it, I guess I am pretty great! Then my friend Brent played (not very well) and it said his punk ass was great too. What's going on here?! Next I tried skill level 2 which features psychedelic swirly windows and objects falling in a "wriggling manner" (per the instructions). Some of the file cabinets dropped appear to have medical crosses on them. Should I catch them for health? Nope. Crazy Climber is just okay. It's got enough challenge and variety, but these stiff controls might just make you want to jump off a building. © Copyright 2019 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 3
Our high score: 1320
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Crazy Climber (Atari 2600)
Spider-Man (Atari 2600)
Crazy Climber (Bally Astrocade)
Fast Eddie (Atari 2600)
Beauty and the Beast (Intellivision)

Crazy Gobbler
Grade: D
Publisher: UA Ltd (1982)
Reviewed: 2020/5/18


screenshotCraving a new Arcadia adventure I set my multicart to "Gobbler". I was in the process of scouring the internet for instructions, but when I saw the screen I realized there was no need. This is a straight-up Pac-Man (Atari 2600, 1981) clone. The full name is actually "Crazy Gobbler", as not to get it confused with some kind of sensible turkey-related title. I will admit this is one of the more sharp-looking Pac-Man clones of its time. The blue maze has an arcade-style layout and the characters are well-defined. The developers did make an effort to differentiate themselves from the real Pac-Man. For one thing, Gobbler is a red while the three ghosts are pale green, white, and yellow. When you eat a power pill the ghosts turn faint blue, but frankly it's hard to tell when they return to normal. Gobbler begins each round on the lower right side of the maze, and when caught he bursts. Fruit bonuses assume the form of apples appear under the center square and at 1500 points, they are very lucrative. Crazy Gobbler looks good but it is slow, slow, slow. It feels downright laborious to drag your Gobbler ass down a long corridor, especially since you need to hold the joystick the whole time. If you release, Gobbler will stop in place. This does make it easier to camp out next to a power pill. All things considered Crazy Gobbler looks like a quality Pac-Man clone but doesn't play like one. © Copyright 2020 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 14,180
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Better Pac-Man, A (Atari 2600)
Pac-Man: Special Color Edition (Game Boy Color)
Muncher (Bally Astrocade)
Ms. Pac-Man (Atari 5200)
Super Pac-Man (Atari 5200)

Doraemon (Japan)
Grade: D+
Publisher: Bandai (1981)
Reviewed: 2018/5/12

screenshotdoraemonWhat the heck is a Doraemon? No, it's not a Pokemon - good guess though. No, it's a blue cat from an old Japanese manga series dating all the way back to 1969! The first thing you see is Doraemon's big goofy mug, which probably looked amazing in 1981 when title screens were a new thing. Doraemon's gameplay is a hybrid of Mouse Trap (Colecovision, 1982) and Venture (Colecovision, 1982). You guide him around a white maze collecting red cookies (I think they are cookies) while avoiding slow-moving mice. Doraemon looks more like an astronaut than a cat with that big round head of his. Taking a maze exit reveals a larger overhead map with nine maze rooms in total. As you methodically move between them the pace is laboriously slow, and even more so when mice show up. Grabbing a question mark results in either instant death (c'mon!) or earns you three propellers. Pressing the button activates a propeller, allowing you to fly freely over the map and make a beeline for any remaining cookies. The tempo picks up slightly in stage two but you'll need the patience of a saint to last that long. Doraemon has some original elements but the lack of challenge and plodding pace turn it into a grueling test of endurance. © Copyright 2018 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 1800
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Mouse Trap (Atari 2600)
Frisky Tom (Atari 5200)
Mobile Suit Gundam (Japan) (Arcadia 2001)
Congo Bongo (Intellivision)
Flag Capture (Atari 2600)

Dr. Slump
Grade: F
Publisher: Bandai (1983)
Reviewed: 2020/5/18

screenshotWho the [expletive] is Dr. Slump? I'm glad you asked! He was the star of a Japanese anime series from the early 1980's, and if this is game is any indication, it was pretty weird show. Start it up and you're greeted with a colorful title screen showing a pixelated closeup of our hero's face. That alone is impressive. The actual game screen is strewn with various houses and cars, with some kind of launchpad in the upper right. A pair of big-mouth aliens wander the screen, stripping vehicles for parts and carrying them to the pad to assemble their ship. Dr. Slump is an odd-looking character in a red ball cap. To say he moves slowly would be an understatement. It took me a while to figure out what exactly to do in this game. While overlapping an alien you can press a button to have Dr. Slump unhinge his jaw and bite the creature for points. If the alien is holding a part you obtain it and can restore it back to its original location. What kills this game is that pesky energy meter on top. It drains too fast and when it does, all you can do is watch the aliens hastily assemble their ship and escape into the sky. This happens whenever you lose a life, and watching this escape sequence gets really old. To refuel you'll need to touch a little gas pump (tea kettle?) that periodically appears on the lower right. Unfortunately by the time you drag your slow ass over there it's usually gone. Another problem is how the aliens will inexplicably disappear from one part of the screen and reappear somewhere else. The looping music has a nursery rhyme quality that's super annoying. It took me a while to figure out how Dr. Slump worked but I never did find the fun. © Copyright 2020 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 390
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Star Raiders (Atari 2600)
Astro Battle (Bally Astrocade)
Alien Syndrome (Sega Master System)
Alien Vs. Predator (Jaguar)
Bravoman (Turbografx-16)

Escape
Grade: F
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2008/9/16


screenshotboxThis curious title is practically identical to Robot Killer, except enemies assume random "mutant" shapes instead of robots. And oh yeah - that bouncing ball has been replaced by a spinning bow tie. Any classic gamer will immediately identify both as Berzerk rip-offs. I suspect Escape was meant to replace Robot Killer, perhaps in an effort to avoid a lawsuit (Escape's product number is higher). This game does make a good first impression with its well-defined mazes peppered with a diverse assortment of enemies. But once the sluggish action kicks in, it feels like your man is wading through molasses. The monsters have all day to elude your slow-ass missiles, but they just stand around like a bunch of wallflowers. Pretty soon both your wrist and attention span will languish as you easily escape one uneventful screen after the next. That spinning bow tie is pretty quick, but since it lalshes out in random directions, it's rarely a threat. Escape's pathetic gameplay is only matched by its atrocious box art. At first glance I thought a little kid had attempted to "color in" the poorly drawn characters, but apparently that's just the design. Berzerk fans might want to give Escape a try, but no one will ever make the mistake of playing this game twice. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 4-4
Our high score: SDZ 3350
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Mobile Suit Gundam (Japan) (Arcadia 2001)
Flag Capture (Atari 2600)
Berzerk (Vectrex)
Math Gran Prix (Atari 2600)
Congo Bongo (Intellivision)

Golf
Grade: C+
Publisher: UA (1983)
Reviewed: 2018/4/3

screenshotAfter reviewing a few dreadful Arcadia 2001 titles I'm happy to report that Golf does not completely suck. Its intuitive gameplay is similar to Golf (Atari 2600, 1977) except more sophisticated because you get to pick your club before each stroke. The holes are fairly elaborate with branching fairways, ponds, and trees. Apparently those angular yellow areas in the center are sand traps. You select your club via the keypad, and I noticed the game is smart about the selection (no driver available in a sand trap for example). To aim you press the joystick up or down as your brown golfer rotates around the ball. The thing is, there are only about 12 angles so you sometimes just need to make due. You press the button to swing, holding it longer for a harder hit. The ball doesn't travel nearly as far as you might expect, so never attempt to cross water. Your hits don't get much height either, so avoid the trees too. I do like how the ball scales on occasion, momentarily becoming larger when high in the air. The game switches to a putting view when you reach the hole, but your putts are either too short or roll over the cup. You'd think the game would cut me some slack; I'm playing Golf on the Arcadia 2001 for Pete's sake! Have a heart! Should you make par you'll hear a clapping sound effect that could honestly be mistaken for gunfire. I like how you can play a 9-hole round in about 15 minutes. It leaves you with the impression you might want to play this again some time. © Copyright 2018 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 66
1 or 2 players 

If you like this game, try: PGA Golf (Intellivision)
Golf (Atari 2600)
Great Golf (Sega Master System)
Golf (NES)
Mecarobot Golf (Super Nintendo)

Hobo
Grade: D
Publisher: UA Ltd (1983)
Reviewed: 2014/9/26

screenshotVideo games allow us to be superheroes, sport stars, space marines, and medieval warriors, but precious few let you play the role of a homeless slob. Why? Perhaps because it's such a bad idea. Hobo is a marginal game that bastardizes elements of Frogger (Atari 2600, 1982) and Lode Runner (Atari XE, 1983). It would be a blatant rip-off if two of its three screens weren't oriented diagonally. That's right, on a system with some of the most unresponsive joysticks ever made, you're asked to execute precision diagonal movements. In the first screen you try to cross a street with cars moving in opposite directions. Trying to navigate your hobo is so aggravating; it feels like you're wrestling with the controller! The second screen is even more painful as you climb ladders while avoiding police on patrol. As if the awful controls aren't bad enough, your margin of error is razor thin. When caught by police your hobo is escorted to a big cinder block with "JAIL" written across the top. Apparently being dirt-poor is a crime! The final stage looks pretty good with criss-crossing trains, but why are they surrounded by letter Z's? Are passengers sleeping inside? Your hobo is tiny on this screen, and since the trains move horizontally it's not hard to hop between them. Then it's back to the first screen, but now the cars move so fast only pure luck will guide you across. I like the graphics and variety of Hobo, but the controls really bummed me out. (Sorry!) © Copyright 2014 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 1360
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Frogger (Atari XEGS)
Road Toad (Bally Astrocade)
Lode Runner (Atari XEGS)
Frogger II (Atari 2600)
Frogger (Atari 2600)

Jump Bug
Grade: B-
Publisher: UA (1982)
Reviewed: 2016/3/21

screenshotI call this "the little platformer that could" because I wasn't expecting much from Jump Bug but I got a lot! The game puts you in control a perpetually bouncing car. Yes - apparently this "bug" is a Volkswagon. For each screen you begin on the left, trying to hop over to the right side while snagging bags of cash for points. The only thing standing in your way are stationary skulls and evil faces peppering the landscape. You can control how high you jump and you can even fire shots to clear out the faces. I guess in theory you could hang back and pick off all the faces, but that's time-consuming and an energy meter is ticking away at the top of the screen. There's no requirement to clear the screen of money - you can just skip across a few bags of cash and exit stage right. Jump Bug offers some attractive 3D background scenery that incorporate skyscrapers, pyramids, and erupting volcanoes. Touching clouds propel you upward but the lava from volcanoes is fatal to touch. While great fun at first, Jump Bug loses some luster during advanced stages. The graphics become more elaborate but it's hard to tell what's in the foreground or background. The collision detection could be better and some faces tend to blend into the scenery. It may not be the most polished game for the system, but Jump Bug is an unexpected good time. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

Our high score: 3440
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Fatal Fury Battle Archives Volume 1 (Playstation 2)
Super Bug (Arcadia 2001)
Link: The Faces of Evil (Philips CD-i)
Cosmic Raiders (Bally Astrocade)
Fatal Fury 2 (Super Nintendo)

Jungler
Grade: C
Publisher: Emerson (1982)
Reviewed: 2009/4/8

screenshotWhen I told my friend Scott we were about to play this, he immediately launched into an elaborate Morris Day song and dance routine ("ow-wee-oh-wee-oh! I think I wanna know ya"). I felt bad about breaking it to him that the name was Jungler - not Jungle Love! Silly rabbit! Many readers have recommended Jungler to me, especially since I've been routinely bad-mouthing Arcadia games and claiming that most are excruciatingly slow. I was led to believe this was the Holy Grail of the Arcadia library - a lost gem that would elevate my opinion of the system from bad to marginal. The box looked promising enough with its intertwined dragons and the magic words "licensed arcade game"! Wow, this must be as good as Pac-Man and Donkey Kong! Jungler does look arcade-ish when you fire it up, with its crisp, elaborate maze and long "dragons" slithering through it. Actually, those things look more like bees followed by a trail of circles, but hey, we can pretend, right? Setting up the game took me a while. The default variation is painfully easy, and with 64 variations to sift through, it's hard to find the one the one that hits that "sweet spot" combination of speed and difficulty. When you begin a game you're greeted with a very unpleasant, off-key string of disjointed musical notes. That's got to best the worst song I've ever heard! Jungler's gameplay involves guiding a dragon around a maze while shooting at the tails of two other dragons. After shooting off their tails, you can hit them head-on for points. The controls are not terribly exact (Scott kindly referred to them as "inelegant"), but the collision detection just plain stinks. Half the time your shots don't even register! Granted, some variations move remarkably fast, but those border on unplayable. Truth be told, Jungler is not that fun, and far less entertaining than watching Scott get funky. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Recommended variation: 1-5
Our high score: 4530
1 player 

If you like this game, try: Donkey Kong Jr. (NES)
Donkey Kong 3 (NES)
D2K Arcade (Intellivision)
Donkey Kong Junior (Atari 2600)
Mario Vs. Donkey Kong (Game Boy Advance)


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