The original Dizzy the Adventurer (NES, 1993) was a mildly amusing platform/puzzle game with some really irritating flaws. This sequel addresses those flaws the best it can before promptly replacing them with brand new flaws! Fantastic Adventures is larger in scope but that's not always a good thing. Its sprawling world offers diverse, colorful environments including forests, treehouses, beaches, and mining tunnels. Sadly, the user interface is actually worse than the first game. You still can only carry three items but you constantly have to cycle through them to locate the one you want. There are more items to collect but that just translates to a lot more backtracking. Dizzy now has a damage meter, but instead of draining it grows when you take a hit. It's not the only part of this game that doesn't make sense. Why can't Dizzy climb a ladder? Why can't Dizzy ride this elevator? Deadly adversaries include birds, spiders, and baby triceratops. A drop of water can prove fatal, despite the fact that Dizzy can swim. There's zero dialog in this game, which seems like good news until you stumble upon some chump and wonder what the [expletive] he's just standing there for. Certain puzzles defy logic. Who would have thought that piece of wood in your inventory could be used to span a 20-foot gap! The game does offer a few fun action sequences including a mine cart ride. When you collect stars in this game I notice it flashed strange point values like 239. Then it dawned on me that this was counting down the number of stars I was supposed to collect. Are you telling me I need to collect 239 more of these [expletive] things?? For an awkward, slow-paced game like The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy, the prospect is terrifying. © Copyright 2018 The Video Game Critic.

Review contributed by ptdebate of the RPG Crew and edited by the VGC.
Inspired by the success of Dragon Quest and the pencil-and-paper role playing games of its time, Final Fantasy was an early Japanese RPG set in a Tolkienesque world of monsters, magic, and lost treasure. The name is ironic considering the game ushered in a long-running franchise with no end in sight. Final Fantasy begins with the selection of four adventurers of various classes. A successful party needs balance and flexibility, with members able to dish out physical punishment along with others who can heal or deal magical attacks. The ability to alter your party's composition adds tremendous replay value. The graphics and music are sparse yet elegant as you freely explore varied environments teeming with nicely-illustrated monsters. The combat is turn-based, presenting a side view with our heroes on the right and monsters on the left. The battles are straightforward but unpredictable. You'll experience glitched spells, underperforming attacks, and actions that do the opposite of their intention. Spells are powerful but limited in how many times a day they can be used, so resting at an inn is essential. Success in combat results in money, experience, and story progress. Special vehicles expand the scope of the game, letting you traverse rivers, oceans, and even fly over mountains! The plot involves taking down four elemental fiends with a dash of time travel for good measure. Its simplicity is actually charming given how overwrought and verbose the latter-day sequels have become. That said, surviving the harrowing dungeons requires earning experience points by fighting random battles aka "grinding". This staple of early Final Fantasy games has been the subject of many complaints. Parties lacking enough experience for a particular dungeon will be steamrolled even by weak monsters. Luckily progress can be saved anywhere outside of dungeons and towns. Final Fantasy may be one of the most re-released games in history, but the original NES version is arguably the best. Subsequent releases tend to water down the difficulty which lessens the tension. The game require persistence, but if you crave back-to-basics RPG fun Final Fantasy is a fine place to start. © Copyright 2019 The Video Game Critic.

I once wrote down a list of the things I loved more than anything else in the whole world, and ninjas came in at #5. Granted, I was only 39 when I put that list together. Fist of the North Star is one of those awesome ninja side-scrollers with enemies flying off the screen and bosses bursting into chunks. Apparently the game is based on an old Japanese manga series. You play our hero Ken, attempting to save your people from the tyranny of Emperor Heaven. I love Ken's blue outfit - he looks like Sub-Zero! It's fun to frantically unleash kicks and punches on the large enemies. You can jump really high in this game, and go figure - you can actually jump faster than you can run. The dull military style scenery features a lot forts, caves, and ruins. A gradient is used to render the sky but it flickers in an unsightly manner. I found myself hopelessly stuck until an FAQ told me how to enter doorways. Apparently you have to press A+B+right at the same time! What the [expletive] is that all about? I can't believe the instructions fail to mention this key tidbit of information. Moving between vertical areas is also a thoroughly disorienting experience. Despite its glaring flaws Fist of the North Star packs a wallop. The action is non-stop as you contend with knife-tossing soldiers and annoying midgets that leap all over the place. Boss encounters occur early and often, and it's suspenseful as you watch both health meters wear down on each end of the screen. I recommend a cat-and-mouse approach. If defeated at the hands of a boss you'll need to restart the entire level, and that hurts. It's easy to be dismissive of a game like this but my friend Dennis gave Fist of the North Star a serious workout and had a blast. He especially liked the power-up that transformed Ken into a double ninja! The game has some memorable 8-bit music, and as with so many NES titles, its cheesiness only adds to its appeal. After a stint on the NES Fist of the North Star would reemerge several generations later on the Xbox 360. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

The Flintstones opens with a nice rendition of the TV show theme which has that cool resonating quality you hear in many NES tunes. The intro tells the tale of a time traveler who kidnaps the Flintstones' two pet dinosaurs. To rescue them Fred must collect parts of the time machine scattered around various locations. The colorful opening stage looks appealing with its rock houses, brown cliffs, and green foliage. Fred looks a bit odd however with those black "doll" eyes of his. As you hop across buildings, waterfalls, and trees you'll use a club to beat the crap out of pterodactyls, cavemen, snakes, and cute dinosaurs. Periodically you'll encounter characters from the TV series including the mega-hot Betty and that freaky green Kazoo guy. Special weapons like axes and slingshots let you throw projectiles in a manner similar to Castlevania (Konami, 1987). These weapons make the boss encounters a hell of a lot easier. The platform action uses the "jump, hang, and pull yourself up" technique - or should I say over-uses. It wouldn't be so bad if Fred automatically hung on to each ledge, but instead you have to keep holding up while pressing the jump button. It will kill your hands - especially during difficult jump sequences. I hate how Fred stumbles backwards for a second or two whenever he takes a hit. Not only is it irritating to temporarily lose control, but sometimes Fred stumbles backwards over a cliff! Otherwise the Flintstones is a pretty serviceable game. After the first stage you get a stage select map and you return to this whenever you use a continue. The game also includes basketball bonus stages which play very similar to Atari Basketball (Atari 2600, 1978). I really wish this game had a score and/or password feature. Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino and Hoppy isn't particularly memorable (or good) but fans of the show may want to give it a try. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

No, you do not play as the Frankenstein monster in this game. Instead you assume the role of a noble warrior attempting to rescue a beautiful girl who was carried off by the creature. Ever notice how the damsel in distress is always an attractive babe? If she were ugly, would all the knights just say "too bad" and go back to drinking their mead? Wouldn't it be refreshing to see a hero risk life and limb to save a girl with a nice personality? How many butt-ugly video game maidens have gone unsaved? Won't you help? Speaking of ugly, Frankenstein shows his mug in the opening cut-scene but doesn't truly emerge again until the final boss battle. In his pursuit you'll travel through townships, forests, graveyards, castles, and hell dimensions. You'll battle lizards, trolls, floating eyeballs, and even jumping gravestones! Yes, that is stupid. You'll defend yourself with swords and small clubs which look more like chicken legs. The controls are a little stiff and I had a hard time explaining to my friends how to do the jump-kick. You'll spend a lot of time fighting bosses, mainly because they can absorb an endless number of hits. Some of these creatures are mythological in nature (demon horse, medusa), but you'll also face a floating head, a werewolf, and a vampire. At least the game has variety going for it. Bosses tend to say boss-like things, like "Only a fool would dare to challenge me! Prepare to meet your doom!" Unfortunately the dialogue is displayed letter-by-letter, and it's so slow you feel as if you're watching a daisy wheel printer. Get on with it, man!! The tone is somewhat dark and the music is in minor-key, but the game isn't particularly spooky. You get several continues and a password, and there's a nice high score screen. It's not bad, but Frankenstein: The Monster Returns feels more like a run-of-the-mill side-scroller than a horror epic. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.

My friends were quick to dismiss this side-scrolling shooter as a Contra wannabe, but they say that about every game! G.I. Joe: The Atlantis Factor is one heck of game. This time the soldiers are fighting through the partially-submerged city of Atlantis. A little H2O is no problem when you're decked out in wet suits and armed to the hilt! I love the look of this game with its mysterious ruins and high-tech facilities rendered in alluring blue hues. That frantic musical score really puts you in the mood to kick some ass. At first glance the character selection screen elicits cause for concern. It presents a grid with options like "move" and "cancel". Huh? Relax, this is not a turn-based strategy game, only the most complicated character selection screen ever devised. Three of the menu options are "select", "decide" and "end". What the [bleep] is the difference? Once you pick your guy (there's only one to begin with for Pete's sake!) Atlantis Factor delivers in a big way with crisp platform jumping, soldier-punching, rapid-fire shooting mayhem. Wait a minute - why can't I shoot up and down? Did my soldiers forget that move from the last G.I. Joe game?! I do like how enemies spin around when hit, and sometimes even get back up. You can power-up your gun but sometimes your fists are the best way to dispose of a boss. New characters are introduced as you progress and you can summon them for help using your radio. That's a pretty advanced concept for the NES. The game offers selectable paths which improve the replay value. A password is presented between missions, but get this: it takes the form of fourteen 3x3 grids containing letters, digits, and even special characters. For a game with about 20 stages (if that) this has got to be the most overblown password screen ever!! The number of possible permutations must be in the billions! GI Atlantis Factor is clearly guilty of making things more complicated than they need to be, yet it still manages to be fun in spite of itself. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

People who played games in the 80's will probably recall how disappointed they were by Activision's Ghostbusters. With all apologies to David Crane (the mastermind behind Pitfall), this game seems more geared towards wasting time than having fun. The main screen is an unimaginative grid of city blocks, and you freely move a Ghostbusters logo to your desired location. Places of interest include the Ghostbusters headquarters, a shop to purchase upgrades, a gas station, and the Temple of Zuul. When a city block is blinking red, there are ghosts to be captured. After selecting your location, you're subjected to an extended and very boring driving scene. Moving your car up the vertically-scrolling road makes you go faster, but also makes you vulnerable to collisions with generic gray cars. You can run over barrels to replenish your gas - just like in real life! If your car is equipped with a "ghost vacuum", you can suck in wandering ghosts for cash. Unlike the home computer editions where the ghosts struggle to escape the device, in this game they just gravitate to it. Adding insult to injury, upon arriving at your destination, your car goes into this long, slow-rolling stop. Your vehicle looks nothing like the white hearse in the movie, by the way. When you arrive at a haunted location, you'll see four generic ghosts flying in front of a building. Using the most non-intuitive control scheme ever devised, you position two Ghostbusters and fire proton streams to "push" the ghosts into traps. The ghosts are harmless to the touch, yet if you cross your proton streams both Ghostbusters become slimed! The guy who programmed this thing probably should have watched the movie first! Eventually the Stay-Puft Marshmallow appears and you're told to enter the Temple of Zuul. There, you'll find yourself on a 22-floor staircase where you must tap buttons (ala Track and Field) to move up the stairs while avoiding wandering ghosts. This stage really takes the misery you're already experiencing to the next level! The game usually concludes with some unceremonious text and doesn't even bother displaying a score or rating. The Ghostbusters theme plays non-stop throughout the entire game, and while it's a decent rendition, it will chip away at your sanity. I've known dozens of people who have played Ghostbusters, yet none have had the intestinal fortitude to successfully complete the damn thing. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This title is kind of confusing considering there was only one Goonies movie. I enjoyed the film and the original Goonies game (Atari XE, 1985), but this NES adaptation is a travesty. Part platformer and part puzzle, Goonies II manages to offer the worst of both worlds. You control the red-haired Mikey trying to rescue his six Goonie pals from the evil Fratelli family. You begin in a decrepit house before descending into monotonous underground caverns. I gave Goonies II the benefit of the doubt until I stumbled upon the slippery "ice" area, complete with walruses, Eskimos, and penguins! I sure as hell don't remember that from the film! There are many doors you can open, revealing perfectly square rooms. In this first-person mode you'll find items, uncover clues, and talk to mysterious figures who don't seem to know why they're in the game ("I'm Eskimo. There's nothing here.") Some rooms are connected to others, but navigating between them is confusing! After making limited progress I consulted the FAQ which reveals the true extent of this game's absurdity. You need to punch walls to make objects to appear. You use keys to open safes with combination locks. You need to strike an elderly woman in the face five times to obtain a candle. Great, now we have a whole generation of kids who grew up thinking it was acceptable to punch old ladies in the face. Some of the items are bizarre. A transceiver? Magic locator? Key holder? WTF? The dialogue may be the unintentional highlight of the game ("Get out of here, if you have nothing to do.") The platform action is the most annoying kind, populated with pesky creeps like bats, spiders, and snakes that continuously materialize out of thin air. Worse yet, they camp out in places like the top of ladders and front of doors. At least the game is forgiving, offering endless continues that let you resume right where you left off. The soundtrack offers a fair rendition "Goonies R Good Enough", but I'm afraid Goonies II is not good enough. Not even close. © Copyright 2015 The Video Game Critic.

Do the words "Best light gun game ever made" mean anything to you? That's exactly what was running through my mind while playing this innovative and genuinely fun shooter. With its "capture the flag" gameplay, Gotcha The Sport is not unlike paintball (was that even around in the 80's?). The control scheme is unique, requiring you to use the control pad with one hand while firing the gun with the other. The pad is used to scroll the screen until your opponent's flag comes into view. Once you acquire it (by shooting it), you must scroll all the way back to return it to your base. In the process, you're constantly being shot at by enemies ducking behind obstacles and hiding in trees. Picking these guys off can be tricky, although the lack of accuracy can be partially attributed to the Nintendo light gun. The game is over when you run out of ammo, so be sure to shoot any "ammo packs" you come across. Keep in mind that enemy soldiers can also snag your flag! Use your scanner to locate the guy who has it, and shoot him to get it back. It's interesting how LJN went to great lengths to downplay the violence angle. For one thing, all your opponents wear protective gear (including goggles). When shot, orange paint splatters across their chest, and they simply run off the battlefield. Oddly enough, when you get shot, you see a big red splotch (I told you to wear that protective headgear - but noooo!). Gotcha's three stages include some colorful scenery, including a lush green forest level with scenic waterfalls, and a city stage with boarded-up buildings. But the third stage is by far the best, with its bright white snow and gorgeous blue mountains. The lounge music on the intro screen sounds a bit out of place, but otherwise the soundtrack is absolutely superb. Gotcha is a fun game that rekindled memories of playing "guns" as a kid. © Copyright 2004 The Video Game Critic.

Gunsmoke is a highly playable but flawed vertically-scrolling cowboy shooter. Armed with a pistol in each hand, you fire two bullets at a time, which is awesome. One button aims upward left and the other upward right. Pressing both lets you fire straight, but that's hardly necessary. Tapping the buttons lets you fire rapidly, and it's satisfying to watch gangs of bandits fall as you rain bullets upon them. A game like this screams for turbo control, so you'll want to dust off that old Nintendo Advantage joystick. Sometimes your cowboy will mount a horse which amounts to having an extra life. Shooting barrels reveal bags of gold that can be used to purchase better weapons like shotguns, magnums, and machine guns. Frankly your default weapon is so effective that upgrades seem unnecessary. And since your money doubles as your score, it doesn't pay to spend it. Gunsmoke reeks of old school charm. Not only can you purchase smart bombs, but there are even Super Mario-style "pow" icons! What gamer doesn't get excited at the sight of a pow icon? Enemies gang up on you, but their bullets have limited range. I was loving Gunsmoke until it dawned on me that I was walking through the same sections of town over and over again. Consulting the literature I discovered I had to first locate a "wanted poster" before I could meet the boss. Not only is the poster invisible and located in an "empty area" of the screen, but you'll need to shoot it eight times to reveal it. That's pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If it's any consolation, the posters seem to be in the same spot each time you play a particular stage. Also, the vendors will eventually feel sorry for you and sell you the God-forsaken thing. Why do game designers sabotage their own games like that? It's shame because Gunsmoke has plenty of originality and better firepower than most NES shooters. © Copyright 2014 The Video Game Critic.

NES systems were originally packaged with "ROB the Robot", a mechanical add-on that enabled Nintendo to market their system as a toy. As gimmicks go, this one was pure genius, since many stores were relunctant to stock video games after the crash of 1983. By finding an imaginative way to get their system onto shelves, Nintendo captured the hearts of kids everywhere. Only recently did I personally get a chance to experience ROB first-hand, and I was pleasantly surprised! ROB can manipulate spinning tops by recognizing instructions flashed on the screen (literally). He can rotate his body, grasp things, and lift his arms. I think it's safe to say that in the 24 years that have passed, no gaming accessory has surpassed this contraption in terms of coolness. Not even close! ROB's replay value may be questionable, but his novelty factor alone is through the roof! Gyromite was the "pack-in" game designed to show off ROB's capabilities, and it requires a bit of setup. Plastic pieces need to be mounted around ROB, including a pair of spinning tops called "gyros". The premise of the game is to navigate a professor over platforms to collect bundles of dynamite while avoiding chubby bird creatures. Some platforms are blocked by red and blue barriers, and by having ROB drop gyros on color-coded pads, the barriers move up and down. For situations where both buttons must be depressed, a special device is used to "spin up" one gyro to alarming speeds. Once ROB places a spinning gyro on a button pad, the thing can spin on its own for quite a long time! It's amazing! My buddy Scott theorized that an army of ROBs could single-handedly solve our country's energy crisis! The game also has a satisfying "squish factor", as it's possible to drop barriers on your bird-like adversaries. Gyromite features a catchy soundtrack and a handy stage select, but I wish your score remained displayed after the game ends. My friends were utterly mesmerized by ROB, but the novelty doesn't last. The robot moves very slowly and the action gets tedious over time. To compensate, it's a good idea to move him into position ahead of time in anticipation of your next move. But chances are you'll shut off Gyromite long before you exhaust that last life. As for ROB, he is well worth owning, but mainly to show off to friends and display on your shelf. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

If you thought Haunted Halloween '85 (Retrotainment, 2016) was a treat this amazing sequel will likely make your head explode. Haunted Halloween '86 offers more sophisticated platform action with a fresh new set of creepy stages. The game kicks off in cinematic style with a series cutscenes which you will learn to quickly skip through. The action begins in a dank dungeon with zombies and skeletons twice the size of the monsters in the first game. By delivering a well-timed uppercut you can punch zombie heads clean off! It's a great feeling, and as the final insult you can pick up the disembodied head and hurl it at other foes! Another new feature is the ability to toggle between a guy and girl character using groundbreaking new Tag Team Technology (TM). This gives you a new lease on life when one of your characters is starting to look a little green (if you know what I mean). Prior to each stage you can select from a list of special moves including a dodge, charge attack, and defensive shockwave. I always go with the double-jump first since it gives me a fighting chance against those pesky stalactites in the cave. Stages like the mineshaft have multiple platforms but it took me forever to figure out how to drop downwards. It turns you need to double-tap down. It makes sense, but I totally missed it in the manual because it was listed as "platform hop". Anyway, like the first game the scenic backdrops make excellent use of vivid silhouettes to create scenes you wouldn't expect to see on the NES. I also found the frenetic music to be an improvement over the first game. Imaginative new locations include a river, train, and boiler room. There's also a handy password feature. Haunted Halloween '86 lacks that small-town 80's vibe that made the original such a charm, but considering all the new features I'd have to say that this game is one year better. © Copyright 2018 The Video Game Critic.

This one-man-army shooter is a total Commando (NES, 1986) knock-off, and it's a damn good one! This game kicks so much ass, they might as well call this Heavy Mother [expletive] Barrel. You can team up with a friend as you attempt to infiltrate a series of well-fortified strongholds. In addition to legions of troops, you'll face tanks, helicopters, and a robot on rails with extendable claws. Unlike most games, your default weapon is pretty effective, allowing you to shoot rapid-fire in any direction with good range. It's tricky to hit the diagonals at times, so play it safe and spray bullets like a madman! Power-ups let you temporarily unleash flames or a 3-way shot. A hefty supply of grenades is also available, but they deal minimal collateral damage. It's pretty easy to mow down oncoming enemy soldiers, especially since they pause before taking aim. Sometimes this game feels like an old Arnold Schwarzenegger flick as one goon after the next steps into your line of fire. The ones in bright green outfits look like a bunch of Riddlers, but you'll want to pay closer attention to the red ones which drop keys to open lockers. Some lockers contain power-ups, but others contain parts of Heavy Barrel itself. As you construct this weapon, you'll see pieces fall into a gun-shaped template at the bottom of the screen. The first few pieces are pretty big, but the next few are so tiny you start to wonder if you'll ever get the frickin' thing. But once you hear that horrible voice synthesis, you know you're strapped with one big bad killing machine. It lets you spray waves of destruction for 99 blissful seconds. The gun actually looks more like an oversized rolling pin, but Heavy Rolling Pin would have sucked as a title. Heavy Barrel's graphics are average at best, and sometimes it's hard to tell where the floors end and the walls begin. The music however features multi-part electronic melodies that get your adrenaline pumping. It sounds like every NES tune I've ever heard, and it's great. Heavy Barrel isn't very original, but takes a winning formula and adds a cool twist. © Copyright 2008 The Video Game Critic.