I happen to be a long-time fan of Ultraman, but this is a bad game of colossal proportions. As a child, I was fascinated by the poor-dubbed Japanese television show featuring men in rubber monster outfits (who knew?) wrestling around miniature cities. This video game adaptation not only fails to capture the grand scale of those battles, but it makes them seem incredibly boring. Ultraman is barely playable, and its only entertainment value comes from mocking its deficiencies. Now I admit that some of the monsters in the old show looked pretty silly, but a few in this game look as if they were borrowed from Sesame Street. I'm pretty sure I defeated a Snuffleupagus in one stage! The slow, one-on-one battles lack strategy as the stiff combatants struggle to execute basic kicks and punches. You have a "special move" (usually a projectile attack) powered by a special meter that charges over time. Once you deplete your opponent's energy, the word "FINISH" appears on the screen, providing false hope that the end of the match is at hand. But your foe can only be defeated by performing a special attack at full power. This usually means backing off while waiting for your meter to charge, and in the meantime, your opponent can still execute attacks and even regain his health! Take it from me - there's nothing more humiliating than being defeated by a monster with no life. This idiotic design ruins what could have been a perfectly... um... aw hell - it would have been awful anyway! There's no two-player mode (!), and the elusive option screen is accessed by holding down select while pressing start (real intuitive huh?). You have to wonder about the state of mind of the guy who authorized this game to be shipped. At the very least, Bandai could have incorporated the kick-ass theme song from the television show, but just like the fun, it's nowhere to be found. © Copyright 2007 The Video Game Critic.

When I spotted a brand new SNES fighter on Amazon I was powerless to resist. Billed as "an original 1-on-1 fighting game from the creators of past masterpieces", Unholy Night has a light-versus-dark theme in the tradition of Darkstalkers (PS1, 1996). There are three "hunter" characters and three "darkness" fighters. I'm sorry to say the graphics are suspect. The fighters are small, the action slow, and the animation choppy at times. For a 2017 title I was expecting more. I do like the semi-digitized look of the stages, even if they do look a bit washed out and lacking in detail. The opening stage features a rooftop with gargoyles overlooking an amazing city skyline. The fighting action won't blow you away but it's not terrible. The controls are easy enough to grasp for Street Fighter fans, and the "synchro gauge" adds some depth. The story mode spits out rapid-fire dialog that's not even displayed long enough to read. What I did manage to catch didn't make much sense. "I have fooled you? Your power is shortage" I can't tell if this was the worst translation job ever or the developers were just goofing around. The fighting system isn't particularly sophisticated but I noticed certain characters have weaknesses. For example, I was able to defeat the werewolf with a series of projectile attacks. The music is simple but has a nice early-90's vibe to it. Still, for a game 25 years in the making Unholy Night has a lot of rough edges. There are no options, no victory animations, and survival mode is far too easy. The game does get extra points however for its glossy packaging, colorful instruction manual, and distinctive black cartridge. Failing to deliver as a cutting-edge fighter, I suspect Unholy Night will appeal more to collectors than critics. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

When I noticed Winter Extreme was "endorsed by Val d'Isere", I made a connection between this and Val d'Isere Skiing and Snowboarding (Jaguar, 1994). Both clearly run off the same engine and have the same menu structure. Unfortunately this SNES version is slower, less smooth, and far less pleasing to the eye. The default "free ride" option is a pretty cool idea. You're presented with a map of the side of a sprawling mountain with all sorts of branching trails and lifts connecting them. Starting from the left side you complete checkpoints to unlock new trails across the mountain face. It's quite a challenge and I seem to get a little further each time I play. If only your progress was saved like the Jaguar version. Competition modes let you race for best time in downhill, slalom, and giant slalom events. I'm glad these events only run a minute or less, because they are repetitive as hell. Winter Extreme is kind of a one-trick pony. The undulating hills look great at first, but the scenery along the trail is sparse, lined with pixeled pine trees and rocks. Those rocks look like giant skulls, which is great if you've ever wanted to know what it's like to ski through the Temple of Doom. The controls are unorthodox. Your skier turns partly on his own, so most of the time you only need to make small corrections to prevent yourself from drifting off course. On occasion however you will encounter a series of whiplash-inducing rapid-fire turns. Your visibility is very severely limited, so instead of anticipating turns you try to react to them. The goofy electronic soundtrack is so bad my friend Scott described it as "barf-inducing". The two-player mode does not support split-screen, but there is an ad for Butterfinger. I wouldn't call Winter Extreme Skiing and Snowboarding a total loss, but it's close. © Copyright 2015 The Video Game Critic.

What the [expletive] is "X-Kaliber 2097"? I assumed it was some obscure film or perhaps a short-lived TV series. In fact it's a video game franchise known as Sword Maniac in Japan. Why didn't they just use that title? The opening stage gets the game off to a promising start by incorporating a gorgeous New York skyline at night. Not only do the lighted skyscrapers look fantastic but their reflections can be seen in the shimmering water below. Later stages offer similar views, and they are the visual highlight of the game. Otherwise the graphics kind of suck, and I hate those black outlines around the characters. Your dude "Slash" reminds me of Strider (Genesis, 1991) as he methodically flips between platforms. His sword has excellent range and there are special moves like a lunge and "flaming arc". You face a lot of slow, bulky, armored soldiers who approach one at a time. I noticed they drop gigantic assault rifles when shot, yet you can't pick them up. Health packs look a heck of a lot like cans of Coca Cola. If that's supposed to be subliminal advertising... well... it's working. I am so thirsty right now! Certain areas are guarded by mounted guns, but your block move can absorb their bullets. As with so many games, you need to beware of dripping green goo. What the [expletive] is that stuff anyway? I thought X-Kaliber was halfway decent until I met that first boss. "Tattoo" takes forever to defeat because all you can do is chip away at his life bar. But it's the second stage where the game falls flat on its face. As you walk down a trashed city street you're accosted by thugs on motorcycles. The collision detection is non-existent as you slash away at bikes riding all over you. X-Kaliber 2097 shows some promise, but ultimately degenerates in a marginal, by-the-numbers slash-a-thon. © Copyright 2017 The Video Game Critic.

This light-gun shooter gave Nintendo an opportunity to incorporate their loveable characters into a Super Scope title. The game is a lot of fun... for the first five minutes or so! You actually assume the role of Mario who is riding Yoshi. Since it's a first-person shooter, you're looking at the back of Yoshi's head the whole time. Together you're out to retrieve twelve gems which will somehow save a kingdom (just go with it). Mode 7 effects facilitate smooth movement along a flat, pixelated path. There's little scenery but colors and textures convey environments like deserts, meadows, and even underwater. Yoshi moves automatically as enemies scale in from the front and sides, including usual suspects like koopas, turtles, squid, and moles. Yoshi's Safari makes good use of the turbo setting on the gun. In fact, I can't imagine playing this game without it! You hold in the fire button to unleash a steady stream of shots, effectively wiping the screen clear of enemies. Eventually your meter runs down and you'll need to recharge, but that only takes a second or two. The shooting is accurate, but every now and then you're prompted to jump over a gap to break up the monotony. There are a lot of bosses, most of which change into a different form after taking substantial damage. The difficulty is ultra-low, so you can breeze through the whole game in less than an hour and a half. By then you'll be glad to get that huge, God-forsaken hunk of plastic off your shoulder. The game's ending has got to be one of the lamest ever as the king thanks you about a dozen times for saving his world. He then lets you in on a secret: by holding L, R, X, Y, and start on the title screen, you can play an entirely new quest! The thing is, Yoshi's Safari is such an ordeal you won't be tempted to play it a second time. Note: The Super Scope only operates on old-style TVs. © Copyright 2013 The Video Game Critic.

As a longtime fan of this monster mish-mash, I'm happy to report that the game has aged beautifully. If a single title illustrates the graphic and audio superiority of the SNES over the Genesis, it's Zombies Ate My Neighbors. The Genesis version tries hard, but it can't match the razor-sharp visuals and audio range of the SNES. Zombies is a lighthearted shooter that effectively spoofs every classic horror flick you can think of - with style and good humor. Playing the role of a boy or girl, you attempt to rescue innocent people from rampaging monsters in a series of whimsical scenarios. There are more than 50 overhead stages including a suburban neighborhood terrorized by zombies, a pyramid full of mummies, a school invaded by aliens, and a shopping mall infested with demonic dolls. The creatures are rendered with a wacky flair and the lush scenery is fun to explore. Your default weapon is a water pistol, and there are plenty more unconventional weapons like exploding six-packs, pop sickles, fire extinguishers, and even a weed-wacker. Certain weapons are pitifully weak, but at least you can cycle between them. A handy radar overlay indicates when a hapless victim is in the vicinity, and also tells you how many are remaining. Two players can cooperate, but sharing the screen is problematic so it's best to let one player lead the way. The rollicking musical score sets the mood perfectly, alternating in tone between ominous and playful. I would absolutely love to own the soundtrack to this game! An easy-to-write-down password is provided every few stages, and there's also a high score screen. When your game ends purple goo drips down the screen, and it would obviously be red blood if not for Nintendo's overbearing anti-violence policy (RIP). Zombies Ate My Neighbors is a brilliant arcade romp that's practically mandatory for October gaming. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.