In the mid-80's my tastes had shifted from consoles to sophisticated computer games, but part of me yearned for arcade-style action. Mail Order Monsters seemed just what the doctor ordered. As a kid who grew up on a steady diet of Japanese monster movies, the concept of giant titans bashing each other was intriguing. The enticing cover featured Godzilla loaded to the hilt with weapons! You begin by navigating a series of elaborate setup screens, moving a tiny guy between assembly areas reminiscent of M.U.L.E. (Electronic Arts, 1983). A variety of monster types are available like a dinosaur, giant squid, spider, crab, and some kind of plant monster. You adjust their attributes and outfit them with a laundry list of weapons and items. Grenades, swords, protective armor... you name it. As the battle screen loaded I braced myself for screen-sized titans thrashing each other while inflicting massive destruction to the landscape. Well, you won't believe what happened next. I find myself looking at a barren landscape with two slow-moving, monochromatic blobs crawling around. I assumed this might be a map screen, but no - this is the actual game. One blob might discharge a little pellet. The other might overlap with it, flashing white to indicate a "melee" attack. Is this a joke? Oh yes - yes it is! The only indicator of damage are "life numbers" slowly ticking down in the corners. Battles drag on for an eternity because it takes forever to "recharge". Features in the scenery like trees or rocks only serve to slow things down... err... more so. The constant beeping sound effects are ear-splitting. Even my floppy drive was upset, grinding away as if it were attempting to eject the disc like a rejected organ! Apparently one of the designers was involved with Archon (Electronic Arts, 1993), so perhaps Mail Order Monsters was meant to be a customizable version of that game. But when the core gameplay is this pathetic, it really is a lost cause. Return to sender, ASAP! © Copyright 2020 The Video Game Critic.

I wanted to like Maxwell Manor so bad. The box cover depicts a bold hero holding a cross in one hand and a gun in the other. He's like Bruce Campbell from Evil Dead! The game opens with an elaborate title screen, dripping with blood, and some appropriately spooky music. You begin on a dark road and the surrounding brush is rendered with grainy textures. You'll discover items lying around like a gun, shield, and candle. Cycling through items is clumsy, but I appreciate how the programmer designed the game so all actions are performed with a single joystick. Head northward to reach the manor. If the gate is locked, head around back to find a secret backdoor. Once inside the gate you'll find yourself navigating garden mazes crawling with deadly insects. The problem is, the maze openings are roughly the same height as you, so it's really easy to get caught on the edge of them. There's nothing more frustrating getting killed because your head was stuck on a wall. It's even possible to get stuck on items you're trying to pick up! Sometimes when you arrive in a new area a bug will crawl out of a wall and kill you before you even get a chance to move. Once inside the manor the game becomes more interesting but no less frustrating. Each room is unique but most seem to incorporate some sort of Indiana Jones-style spear trap. You never really get a chance to enjoy the scenery and many times I keeled over for no apparent reason. I actually believe there are invisible spots on the floor that are deadly if you step on them! Some rooms assume a side-view perspective instead of overhead, but the jumping controls are the worst. The instructions actually state "we've made jumping a little tricky". Gee - thanks a lot for that! For the determined gamer there seem to be endless surprises and secrets to uncover at Maxwell Manor. Playing the game is a pretty quiet experience, with only the occasional beep or screech. At its best, Maxwell Manor is like an expanded version of Haunted House (Atari 2600, 1982). Not only is there a lot to discover but the game randomizes its layout. Unfortunately its "let the player figure stuff out" mentality can leave you in a lurch, wondering if it's really worth the effort. During October, it probably is. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.

Boasting ultra-realistic gameplay and actual historical teams, Micro League Baseball was state of the art... in 1984. It was the first baseball game to reflect actual player statistics. As a kid playing this on my Atari computer I was mesmerized by the TV-style presentation with live play-by-play in the form of scrolling text on the scoreboard. The commentary is brief but colorful ("A booming fly ball to the alley in left! Will he get it? Yes! Combs hauls it in.") The field is displayed using an unusual rendering technique, and if you look close you'll notice the pixels are arranged in a checkerboard pattern. It didn't take long for my buddy Scott to wisecrack about how "somebody's grandmother knitted the field" and "if you unfocus your eyes you might see a 3D image!" The players have black outlines and teams are limited to red or white uniforms. Still, the action unfolds smoothly and fly balls move on realistic arcs. The thing about Micro League is that you're just managing the team, with options entered via keyboard. You control the lineup and strategy, but after selecting a play you simply kick back and watch. It may sound lame but it's surprisingly suspenseful. On defense you choose the type of pitch, and typically there is only one pitch per batter, resulting in a hit ball, strikeout, or walk. It's an ingenious scheme that keeps things moving. You can also position fielders, pitch out, issue intentional walks, warm up the bullpen, and even visit the mound. On offense your choices are severely limited when there's no one on base. Normally you choose "swing away", but it would have been nice to have the option of making contact or swinging for the fences. With runners on base your options expand to include stealing, hit-and-runs, and safe (or aggressive) baserunning. It's fun to watch the action play out, especially with such a wide variety of outcomes including caroms off the wall, errant throws, balks, tag ups, and even head-first slides. I like how players throw the ball "around the horn" after a strikeout. Between innings it's boring to watch the players change sides, but you can press the R key to disable that. Micro League even lets you save a game in process! The 24 included teams span from the '27 Yankees to the '83 Orioles, with additional teams available via expansion disks. When I was young I enjoyed watching the computer play both sides, and when I recently tried it again, I was still riveted to the screen! One glaring flaw is a lack of crowd noise, resulting in a game played in mostly silence. The two manuals are fun to read and include biographies of all the teams. Micro League Baseball is a thinking-man's baseball game that's perfect for baseball fans who aren't necessarily video game fans. Technical note: This game was reviewed on an Atari 800XL because it displays the wrong colors on the Atari XEGS. © Copyright 2014 The Video Game Critic.