Tecmo Classic Arcade
Grade: C+
Publisher: Tecmo (2005)
Reviewed: 2005/12/18
Rating: Everyone (mild violence)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Grade: F
Publisher: Konami (2003)
Reviewed: 2004/3/5

As a big fan of the old-school Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games (particularly Turtles in Time on the SNES), I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into this modern 3D adaptation. So believe me when I tell you that this game is absolutely
awful. Seriously. TMNT's cell-shaded graphics are sharp and clean but woefully uninteresting. Your enemies look terribly generic, and you'll barely notice the plain, uninspired scenery. The gameplay itself is repetitive and wholly unsatisfying. You face the same groups of thugs over and over again, which appear out of thin air and disappear in a puff of smoke when defeated. You're also constantly hounded by these little metal dogs that yap non-stop. Granted, the older TMNT games were repetitive too, but at least they were fun. The control here is responsive but there are no interesting attacks. In fact, only your "strong" attack is particularly effective. Each turtle has two loud, annoying voice samples that they shout whenever they attack, and that's the one part of the audio that you
can't turn down! Invisible walls block your advancement through a stage until you defeat every last bad guy, and there's always one or two stragglers you have to go back and seek out. I'm telling you - this game is a CHORE to play! You can knock over barrels to create explosions, but you can't control which direction they fly and most of the time you end up blowing up your partner. I'm not sure if this game has unlimited continues, but it sure seems like it. Just be sure to explicitly save your game from the main menu, because it
does not save automatically. If you're a big Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan, bump up the grade by one letter, but I'd advise the rest of you to get your kicks elsewhere. © Copyright 2004 The Video Game Critic.
Terminator: Dawn of Fate
Grade: D
Publisher: Infogrames (2002)
Reviewed: 2004/5/12
Rating: Teen (violence)
Test Drive Off-Road Wide Open
Grade: C-
Publisher: Infogrames (2001)
Reviewed: 2003/2/17
Rating: Everyone

This early Xbox title isn't anything special, but it has its moments. Taking a page from Smuggler's Run, Off-Road features 53 "legendary" trucks racing from flag to flag in the open wilderness. Although there's usually a road you can follow, there's no penalty from cutting through the brush or flying over a mountain. Actually, cutting corners is pretty much the order of the day, and finding the shortcuts is the key to winning. Test Drive has "arcade" written all over it, with huge jumps, no damage, and trucks that hardly ever roll. Although the framerate remains smooth, the graphics are rather unspectacular and on par with the original Smuggler's Run. You'll race through mountains, jungles, and deserts, but there's just not a whole lot to see. The control scheme is simple, and at times I was wishing for a turbo button. The CPU-controlled opponents are fairly aggressive, often trying to run you off the road or turn you around. Other obstacles include rockslides and oncoming traffic. The career mode is fun at first because you don't need to finish high to move onto the next race, but I lost interest when the tracks started to repeat. The multiplayer mode features an interesting "King of the Hill" variation that my friend Scott compared to jockeying for a parking spot at work. It's certainly different but it's not for everyone. You'll either love or hate the music, depending on how much you like bands like Metallica. Personally, I turned the sound down. If you're looking for a arcade-style off-road game, this will do, but I wouldn't pay full price for it. © Copyright 2003 The Video Game Critic.
The Simpsons: Hit and Run
Grade: C
Publisher: Fox (2003)
Reviewed: 2004/11/22
Rating: Everyone

Hit and Run has been described as a Simpsons version of Grand Theft Auto, and that's not too far off the mark. This whimsical game lets you freely walk or drive around the town of Springfield while performing a series of missions. The scenery is pretty impressive, brimming with humorous details and countless references to the television show. The 3D character models look terrific and the voiceovers were done by the actual Simpson's cast. I loved Hit and Run for the first hour or so, but then it began to wear thin. Most missions involve either racing or collecting items, and it gets repetitive after a while. At least Grand Theft Auto broke up the monotony by letting you shoot a guy every now and then! In addition, I was hoping Hit and Run would let me freely explore the entire town of Springfield, but that's not the case. Instead, different stages contain limited sections of the city, so you never really get the big picture. In addition, although the animation and frame rate are silky smooth, the screen occasionally exhibits a disorienting "wavy" effect. When all is said and done, Simpsons Hit and Run is an awesome concept that doesn't quite live up to its potential. Still, fans of the show will really enjoy immersing themselves in this colorful virtual world. © Copyright 2004 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: Midway (2004)
Reviewed: 2005/10/5
Rating: Mature (blood and gore, drug reference, intense violence, strong language)
The Suffering: Ties That Bind
Grade: B
Publisher: Midway (2005)
Reviewed: 2006/1/21
Rating: Mature (blood and gore, intense violence, sexual themes, strong language, use of drugs)
Publisher: Konami (2002)
Reviewed: 2014/1/25
Rating: Mature (blood and gore, violence)
Publisher: Rockstar (2005)
Reviewed: 2005/12/1
Rating: Mature (blood, intense violence, sexual themes, strong language, use of drugs and alcohol)
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge
Grade: B
Publisher: Buena Vista Interactive (2004)
Reviewed: 2017/10/30
Rating: Everyone 10+
ToeJam and Earl III
Grade: D
Publisher: Sega (2002)
Reviewed: 2004/3/5
Rating: Teen

Sega had to dig pretty deep into their catalog to resurrect this old Genesis cult classic. The original ToeJam and Earl featured two funky aliens engaging in wacky hijinks on a faraway planet, encountering bizarre characters and collecting power-ups in the form of wrapped presents. This third chapter doesn't stray far from the original formula, but of course the scenery is far more lush and interesting now. You still wander around elevated platforms, but the world is hilly instead of flat, and it's broken up into small stages with individuals themes. You can play the role of ToeJam, Earl, or a sassy newcomer named Latisha. Most of the old power-ups have returned, including the high-tops, icarus wings, and spring shoes. Unfortunately, when combined with the frustrating controls these power-ups will often send you flying off a cliff. The first ToeJam and Earl game was known for its catchy beats, and many of the
same tunes have been incorporated into this sequel. But unlike the original game, this one features a slew of voice samples, full motion video intermissions, and even a few complete rap songs. But all this extra audio is not necessarily a good thing, because the repetitive urban slang ("yo yo s'up?", "I gotsa go - later y'all") is
really annoying after a while. In addition, there's a women's gospel choir that kicks in on a regular basis. My wife declared that ToeJam and Earl III was best played with the TV on "mute". For fans of the original game, this is sure to bring back a lot of memories, but new players probably won't appreciate the characters or humor. Despite all of its fancy graphics and sound effects, I still much prefer the original game. © Copyright 2004 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: 2K Sports (2006)
Reviewed: 2010/2/21
Rating: Everyone
Transworld Snowboarding
Grade: A-
Publisher: Atari (2002)
Reviewed: 2020/2/8
Rating: Teen
Publisher: Atari/Infogrames (2001)
Reviewed: 2002/6/7
Rating: Teen

I should have bought the Playstation 2 version of Transworld Surf instead. Its graphics are better on the Xbox, but its difficulty is
insane! Despite spending several hours playing Transworld Surf, I can't seem to make any [expletive] progress! The graphics are adequate, but not as good as you might expect. Yes, the semi-transparent water shimmers nicely, but the waves are too angular to be convincing. Although the scenery includes some exotic locations, you won't see anything but water during the actual game. Controls are somewhat Tony Hawk-ish, but the learning curve is much higher. Eventually you will learn tricks like barrels, jumps, and floats. You can chain together tricks to multiply your points, but instead of awarding these points immediately, the game waits a few extra seconds to see if you screw up afterwards (which in turn reduces your points to zero). Even harder than completing combos is trying to complete the goals of each level. The objectives range from mysteriously vague to nearly impossible. The funny part is, Transworld Surf
still kept me coming back for more, probably because the stages are short and the action is intense. Even after a wipeout, the helpful "reef girl" (bikini chick on a jet ski - grrrrowl!) will set you up immediately on the next wave of your choice. Perhaps I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I return to this mediocre game again and again. © Copyright 2002 The Video Game Critic.
Turok: Evolution
Grade: C+
Publisher: Acclaim (2002)
Reviewed: 2008/12/20
Rating: Mature (blood and gore, violence)
Publisher: Universal (2004)
Reviewed: 2004/6/23
Rating: Teen (Blood and gore, violence)
Publisher: Microsoft (2003)
Reviewed: 2012/12/5
Rating: Teen (mild realistic violence)
Wakeboarding Unleashed
Grade: A-
Publisher: Activision (2003)
Reviewed: 2008/7/16
Rating: Everyone
World Series Baseball
Grade: C+
Publisher: Sega (2002)
Reviewed: 2002/6/16
Rating: Everyone
World Series Baseball 2K3
Grade: B-
Publisher: Sega (2003)
Reviewed: 2003/5/13
Rating: Everybody
Publisher: Sega (2003)
Reviewed: 2016/4/12
Rating: Teen (really?)

This is what happens when you take a beloved multiplayer classic and skewer it beyond recognition. Saddled with chunky, unwanted polygon graphics, Worms 3D is almost too painful to bear. The original 2D game let you command an army of worms scattered around a randomly-generated screen. The idea was to eliminate other worm teams using an eclectic set of weapons ranging from bazookas to baseball bats to exploding sheep. In this version the 3D graphics only serve to detract from the fun. Instead of focusing on your plan of attack you spend 90% of your time fumbling with the camera. The fact that it's pulled in so close makes the process of finding an enemy feel like a major chore. The trigger brings up an overhead map but it's surprisingly unhelpful. If you finally do locate a target you'll struggle with the weapon controls. Each weapon has its own set of instructions so I hope you keep that manual handy! It's so difficult to gauge your power and trajectory you either miss your target by a mile or inadvertently blow yourself up. On the off-chance you hit a worm on the other team the ill-behaved camera prevents you from enjoying the moment. The single player modes are pure misery and setting up a four-player match is a nightmare. Why does a four-player game only offer three different teams by default? Worms 3D does some many things wrong this review should be considered a cautionary tale. You just can't "unplay" a game this bad, but you'll wish you could. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.
Worms Forts Under Siege
Grade: F-
Publisher: Sega (2004)
Reviewed: 2016/4/12
Rating: Teen

Worms was once a proud franchise before it was destroyed by a clumsy transition to 3D. I thought
Worms 3D (Sega, 2003) was a travesty but
nothing could have prepared me for the polygon horror that is Worms Forts. Instead of addressing the glaring flaws of the first 3D game, Forts doubles down and piles onto its rickety foundation. At least in Worms 3D you could locate enemies (with some difficulty) and readily access an arsenal of weapons. Worms Forts places the worm armies in far-flung reaches of each sprawling stage, so you can't even
see another team much less attack it. To enable your weapons you must first construct towers like some half-assed version of Sim City. This new building element adds no fun whatsoever; just a whole lot of tedium. Navigating your worms around the landscape is a tremendous hardship, partly due to the poor camera which makes it nearly impossible to tell where the
hell you are. You'll spend so much time fiddling around with the camera angle that even the
worms begin to yawn! The weapon controls are needlessly complicated. Could we at least get a trajectory path?! The heinous graphics suffer from egregious clipping issues, and being subjected to multiple unwanted replays after each errant shot is pure torture. One time i attempted to shoot an enemy worm in the face with a bazooka from point-blank range... and still missed! When playing with friends we played an entire contest without killing a
single worm. Worms Forts goes well beyond trainwreck territory. You just can't "unplay" a game this bad. A wise man once told me "this too shall pass" but he clearly never played Worms Forts. © Copyright 2016 The Video Game Critic.
Publisher: Activision (2004)
Reviewed: 2005/3/22
Rating: Teen (Blood, violence)